Review: Death By Ploot Ploot by Dara JoyTuesday, February 19, 2008 18:52
First about the cover… Ugh-Gah-Lee!
Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you tried you just could not get the joke? Like when you read a book where you knew you were reading something out of a preexisting series and you probably should have read the first book and that the author is going ahead and making absolutely no attempt to clue you in on the characters or what they are supposed to be doing? Well, I am here to tell you that just freaking sucks. How can anyone care about a story if you are never introduced to the world and the people who inhabit it in the first place?
That’s really my initial response to the Dara Joy ~ Death By Ploot Ploot. Which lacks a plot plot. In my opinion this infinitesimal short story should only be read by those fans who have already bought and read Knight of a Trillion Stars and Rejar because otherwise there is absolutely no reason I can fathom to waste your money on this thing. It is so strange that there was not more of an effort made by the author to inform people of this little fact fact.
Here’s a snippet of this fun fun:
Lorgin’s brow furrowed as he thought of a way to put his current disquiet into words. “This is difficult to describe, but of late, Yaniff, I have found myself somewhat . . . ah, flammable.”
A snort came from the direction of the floor. Perhaps the younger brother is not so asleep.
Yaniff threw the Familiar a disgruntled look, and then addressed his older brother. “What mean you by flammable?” Lorgin was at the peak of his virility; he also had a fine wife. What could he be speaking of? Eyes wide, the old man thought he figured it out. Ah, that. He leaned forward and whispered, “Are you speaking of erotic desires?”
No, we are speaking of gonorrhea. That slut Deana! How dare she mess around behind my back! *Uh no… actually that might have made a better story.*
There is just no conflicts here on planet sex. There is just no action taking place amongst these horny manly men. There are however some really vague hints about the assorted characters that wander aimlessly through this excerpt and what their future holds unfortunately they were all previously introduced, from what I can guess, in some other book.
Like Lorgin, whoever he is, is gaining new levels of power and sharing them during sex with his Earth born wife Deana. The half breed brother Rejar, who ever he is, has “held within him an immense power.” Which I can only guess means that Rejar holds immense power or has a big one, that rivals all other holders of power which might be his brothers (We hope!). Maybe Lorgin is gaining on him by using a pump, I don’t know exactly.
Not to mention that all these super powers seem to be tied into their having sex which makes almost every discussion about them cringe inducing to say the least, in a so very After School Special way. I was almost happy this topic is introduced and then unceremoniously dropped like a lead brick brick.
None of this information or the characters that float by goes anywhere though, in fact all of the more interesting topics eventually get flushed altogether so that our Earth chick Deana can have fun introducing the entire planet of Paris Hilton like aliens to the Earth holiday of Valentines in the form of The Three Stooges, because you know everyone loves those Three Stooges. Need further clarification? Vacuous, vacant, void… see inane.
To top it all off Deana loves to tell really really bad jokes too so that is where the whole title of this misconceived stunted story comes from. Let’s just say I cringed over that along with many other precious moments. I was sorta surprised there were no actual singing and dancing numbers with all the vaudeville being preformed. Anyway, I feel I have spent far more time reviewing this book than Dara spent actually writing it or more likely slapping it together from scenes edited out from other better books much like the cover.
Dara, not the do-it-yourself DRM! Um, I hate to point out that there are at least 6 programs that can be downloaded for free that strip not only that particular PDF DRM format out of the file but also the name and address you have embedded while generating it. It took oh, maybe five seconds at most. That was the only interesting thing about this eBook actually.
I give this excerpt, masquerading as some sort of novella, and it’s annoying DRM a big old…
What happens when Deana decides to introduce the concept of Valentine’s Day to Aviara? You can imagine. How will the fearsome Charl warrior-knights react to the concept of ‘romance’? You can imagine. Time to rejoin old friends and take it back where it all started . . . Aviara.
DEATH BY PLOOT PLOOT!
Have fun visiting with Lorgin and Deana, their family, friends, and Familiars, and see just what is going on in the MOD universe in this hilarious, spicy, heart-warming story that advances the storyline of the Matrix of Destiny universe. (To be read with a cup or two of mir, a sense of humor. Misty eye and pot-holders optional.)
No excerpt available (you’re probably lucky).