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FreakazoidGrammar geeks – unite!

Yes I know that’s Freakazoid. Shh Actually, the funny thing is, I don’t know grammar. I can’t stand grammar, never learned it, never will, cannot dissect a sentence for the life of me. I told my 8th grade English teacher, “If someone told me to find the gerund in the sentence and held a gun to my head, I’d tell them to pull the trigger.” She thought I was joking. (And I know it should be “him or her” not “them” – but whatever.) Honest.

Nouns, verbs? You got me. (Seriously – don’t laugh. Some sentences are tricky.) Even so, grammar being my nemesis, certain things get me. “Good” or “real good” being one of them. Sometimes, people get snarky about the misuse of the word “good.”

Do grammatical mistakes bother you? I try to speak, and write properly (unless I’m going for the colloquial feel), and I figure if the syntax of a sentence seems off to me, it must be really bad. One would think grammar is my subject, but no. Not in English, or any other language.

SpiderAs most of us feel the same way about grammar as we do about spiders… how about spelling? One of my fifth grade teachers threw fits when people wrote “alot.” Microsoft Word will auto correct you if you type it. Still, people write it – and I’m pretty sure that it isn’t a typo for them. I do love spelling. Etymology is a fascinating subject.Some words trip most people up – like separate, or juxtaposition, hemorrhoid, or even gregarious or loquacious (as those two go hand in hand). Thank goodness for spell check.

Do you get a little chuckle when someone is standing high on their soapbox, creating a lot of noise, and they say (or write) something that completely changes the meaning of what they intend? Well, chuckle or cringe, depending on who you are and your perspective. Those fancy English words, like onomatopoeia, alliteration, or assonance. *cringe* (I admit, I’ve messed up. Especially with foreign words. E.g. crème fraĭche. I knew what it was, but the first time I saw it in print, I was lost.)

Double negatives get to me. People’s fervent claims of “I ain’t done nothing!” on the news annoy me. Then I heard teachers using double negatives and a tiny part of my soul died. Contractions? I always get that word mixed up with conjunction. [I clearly didn’t watch enough School House Rock. Or too much.] I’ve noticed a few authors having their heroes say “I’ll not” a lot. I admit that it bothers me a bit. People don’t talk like that. (And yes, I’m talking about contemporary books.) “I won’t” is much more vernacular. Maybe they’re trying to make the hero sound more formal – or his words to be a stronger declaration. Anyone else notice this?

RedlinerHow about may or can? This was a big thing for my fourth grade teacher. Students would ask “can I use the bathroom?” And she’d respond, “I don’t know, can you?” and then ignore the student. Luckily, no accidents happened. In eighth grade, I was a bit mortified to learn of the difference between your and you’re. Somehow, this had been omitted from my education until I missed a word on a French test.

There, their, and they’re also are mixed up quite a bit. Same with it’s, its or its’ Or even more, affect and effect. I admit, principal and principle, capitol and capital, and indorse and endorse are tricky. The last, seems almost superfluous. Does it really matter that you indorse a check – although most other documents you endorse? Likely not.Homophones are quite fun – if you have kids, I suggest you give them the project of making a list of homophones. There are quite a few – near 100 or more relatively common ones, and this simple little game can occupy anyone from the age of 9-19. (That or me and my classmates were excessively easily entertained. Either or.)

Grammar Book coverWhat about you? Do you notice grammatical or spelling mistakes? Are you a blogger or writer? How do you feel if/when you find a mistake in something you wrote? If I can, I scramble for the edit button. Or plead with someone who can to fix it. Or… horrors, ignore it. [Correlating comments on reviews to people reading such reviews, few people are noticing such mistakes here anyway.]

Are you a grammar Nazi? Was your preference TV or a book? (Studies show people that read more have better spelling skills, but those that watched more TV are more likely to pronounce such words correctly.) It makes so much sense.Is this a topic that only interests me? Should I have written, “Is this a topic that interests only me?” I’ll stop now. And I’ll apologize in advance for all grammatical mistakes. Seriously – I won’t find them.