Duodecimal: 12 days of Smart Bitchery
Written by Guest Author - December 12, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Those Bitches at Smart Bitches Trashy Books have shared with us their version of the 12 Days of Christmas. Sing along, won't you?
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The Bitches' 12 Days of Christmas
 On the first day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the second day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the third day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the fourth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
On the fifth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the sixth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
On the seventh day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the eighth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
eight horny werewolves
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the ninth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
nine pebbled nubbins
eight horny werewolves
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the tenth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
ten rakes reforming
nine pebbled nubbins
eight horny werewolves
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the eleventh day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
eleven scheming mamas
ten rakes reforming
nine pebbled nubbins
eight horny werewolves
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the twelfth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me...
twelve savage thunders
eleven scheming mamas
ten rakes reforming
nine pebbled nubbins
eight horny werewolves
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
What? No cowboys? No secret babies? No Greek billionaires?!?! You're both officially off the Christmas card list. Pffft!
My office holiday lunch is in a couple of hours. Think they'd find me a bit odd if I started sining "well-oiled man-titty" at the top of my lungs?
BRAVO! BRAVO! ENCORE!
LOL!! fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed! That was inspired.
BWHAHAHAHA! Who did the piccies? Freakin' hilarious!
And look-- the TFDU man-titty show! WOOT!
Syb, can we keep the SBs?
I tried to get them to sing it and put it on youtube but sadly... well I am not sure why not something about lawyers requesting candy not be in any more videos while they investigate...
::shrug::
Word to the nubbins.
Heh!! Just fabulous.
This made me giggle the entire time I put the pics to it. I'm glad the Curtain Climber was at school. That would have been difficult to explain.
GWEN! You did the piccies for this one, too?! Pat yourself on the back and polish your knuckles! It looks like a lot of work, but the results were worth it.
Fabulous. And a vast improvement on the original. Thanks for making me laugh and feel Christmassy all at the same time!
Sweet sassy Christ in a sidecar! The graphic for "five spurts of seed" made me choke.
Glad you guys enjoyed the song. I just realized, on re-reading it, that it's a bit Johanna Lindsey-heavy. Sorry for the lack of cowboys, secret babies and shouty billionaires. And boardroom mistresses. And cross-dressing heroines. And swashbuckling pirates.
Candy - I think "Love's Secret Sniper" - the well-oiled man-titty - is a candidate for the next cover snark, if there ever was one. I don't even WANT to know what that heroine is doing to that hero's chest. It looks like a breast exam.
Best list EVAR!
Well, smack my raging reindeer! Three cheers for the smart bitches. They didn't miss a thing.
Ahhh, lmao!!
This was fabulous, and just made my day!
I'm still laughing over those spurts of seed.
Can I have a twelve days of thunder to go please? Love, love, love this list! Gads, those girls are so damn funny!!
Twelve savage thunders...this is great.
Sweet baby jesus!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is awesome!!!!!!
What the...I can't believe I didn't see this until after the New Year.
But why is the pic accompanying 3 naked dukes a fist?