Duodecimal: 12 days of Smart Bitchery
Wednesday, December 12, 2007 14:00
Those Bitches at Smart Bitches Trashy Books have shared with us their version of the 12 Days of Christmas. Sing along, won’t you?
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The Bitches’ 12 Days of Christmas
 On the first day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the second day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the third day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the fourth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
On the fifth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the sixth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
On the seventh day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the eighth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
eight horny werewolves
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the ninth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
nine pebbled nubbins
eight horny werewolves
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the tenth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
ten rakes reforming
nine pebbled nubbins
eight horny werewolves
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the eleventh day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
eleven scheming mamas
ten rakes reforming
nine pebbled nubbins
eight horny werewolves
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
 On the twelfth day of Christmas my Smart Bitch sent to me…
twelve savage thunders
eleven scheming mamas
ten rakes reforming
nine pebbled nubbins
eight horny werewolves
seven angsty vampires
six virgin widows
fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed!
four throbbing swords
three naked dukes
two gentle rogues
and a well-oiled man-titty.
Wendy says:
December 12th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
What? No cowboys? No secret babies? No Greek billionaires?!?! You’re both officially off the Christmas card list. Pffft!
My office holiday lunch is in a couple of hours. Think they’d find me a bit odd if I started sining “well-oiled man-titty” at the top of my lungs?
Teddypig says:
December 12th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
BRAVO! BRAVO! ENCORE!
Dobby says:
December 12th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
LOL!! fiiiiiiive spurts of seeeeeeed! That was inspired.
BevL(QB) says:
December 12th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
BWHAHAHAHA! Who did the piccies? Freakin’ hilarious!
And look– the TFDU man-titty show! WOOT!
Syb, can we keep the SBs?
Sybil says:
December 12th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
I tried to get them to sing it and put it on youtube but sadly… well I am not sure why not something about lawyers requesting candy not be in any more videos while they investigate…
::shrug::
lisabea says:
December 12th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
Word to the nubbins.
Bonnie says:
December 12th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
Heh!! Just fabulous.
Gwen says:
December 12th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
This made me giggle the entire time I put the pics to it. I’m glad the Curtain Climber was at school. That would have been difficult to explain.
BevL(QB) says:
December 12th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
GWEN! You did the piccies for this one, too?! Pat yourself on the back and polish your knuckles! It looks like a lot of work, but the results were worth it.
Sprite says:
December 12th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Fabulous. And a vast improvement on the original. Thanks for making me laugh and feel Christmassy all at the same time!
Candy says:
December 12th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Sweet sassy Christ in a sidecar! The graphic for “five spurts of seed” made me choke.
Glad you guys enjoyed the song. I just realized, on re-reading it, that it’s a bit Johanna Lindsey-heavy. Sorry for the lack of cowboys, secret babies and shouty billionaires. And boardroom mistresses. And cross-dressing heroines. And swashbuckling pirates.
Gwen says:
December 12th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Candy – I think “Love’s Secret Sniper” – the well-oiled man-titty – is a candidate for the next cover snark, if there ever was one. I don’t even WANT to know what that heroine is doing to that hero’s chest. It looks like a breast exam.
C2 says:
December 12th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Best list EVAR!
EC Sheedy says:
December 13th, 2007 at 12:26 am
Well, smack my raging reindeer! Three cheers for the smart bitches. They didn’t miss a thing.
raine says:
December 13th, 2007 at 12:52 am
Ahhh, lmao!!
This was fabulous, and just made my day!
Pam P says:
December 13th, 2007 at 4:54 am
I’m still laughing over those spurts of seed.
Beth Williamson says:
December 13th, 2007 at 5:37 am
Can I have a twelve days of thunder to go please? Love, love, love this list! Gads, those girls are so damn funny!!
Devon says:
December 13th, 2007 at 7:43 am
Twelve savage thunders…this is great.
Laura says:
December 13th, 2007 at 9:39 am
Sweet baby jesus!!
kris says:
December 13th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is awesome!!!!!!
Sherry Thomas says:
January 1st, 2008 at 11:48 am
What the…I can’t believe I didn’t see this until after the New Year.
But why is the pic accompanying 3 naked dukes a fist?