I’m revising a manuscript right now, and I’m at that point in the story where my hero and heroine are approaching the point of no return. That place where one or both make the decision to do something that changes everything in the existing relationship. From that point on, there is no going back to the way things were.
I love this place. In fact, it might be my very favorite spot in a story. At least it is in the stories I write. The action—or inaction, as the situation calls for—is a conscious investment in their new future; a commitment—to themselves and to the other person. And I love the emotion involved in making that choice.
In Fever, Alyssa makes that choice in a pet store.
A what?
I know. It happens in the damnedest places!
Teague and Alyssa have been on the run for a couple of days now. Alyssa has been injured in a gang fight and developed an infection. Teague takes her to a pet store to get antibiotics. Interestingly enough, the same type used to treat aquarium fish are those humans take.
It’s there that Alyssa has her epiphany, a surprise, on-the-spot reaction that changes everything between her and Teague.
“How long ‘til we stop for longer than ten minutes?”
“About an hour.”
“And when will this all be over?” she asked as they approached the entrance. “When will you let me go?”
He didn’t answer.
A young woman with her dark hair in a ponytail greeted them. “Can I help you find something?”
“Fish,” Creek said.
“Along the back wall,” she gestured. “Fresh water on the right and salt water on the left.”
“Thanks.”
Teague led Alyssa past the cash register where a young man sat talking on the phone, a newspaper spread out on the counter in front of him. He glanced up as they passed and returned his gaze to the paper, hardly more than an uninterested blink. Just as Alyssa looked away, the man’s eyes jumped up again. She continued to watch him from the corner of her eye as the conversation on his end of the phone ceased, and he slowly pushed to his feet.
They turned down an aisle and Alyssa lost sight of him, but by the way his eyes grew wide as they’d disappeared, she was sure he’d recognized them. Instead of excitement, the sighting brought apprehension.
Creek turned and looked down at her, his steps slowing. “What?”
“Wh-what do you mean, what?”
“You squeezed my hand.”
“I didn’t… I mean, I didn’t mean to…” She was torn between pulling him from the store and stalling to keep them there as long as possible. This was exactly what she’d been silently begging for at Wal-mart and here it had been handed to her without even trying. “Never mind. Nothing.”
She turned her attention to the shelves where he’d stopped and stared at the contents in disbelief. “You brought me in here to buy fish food?”
“Little trivia for you, doc.” He crouched and picked up a bottle. “Fish ailments are treated with human medications. Antibiotics.”
Her mouth dropped open and her mind temporarily veered from her turmoil. “You expect me to take off-the-shelf medication for fish? Okay, this nails it, Cr—“ She stopped herself and forced his first name out of her mouth. “Teague. You are officially certifiable.”
A grin tilted his mouth as he looked up at her and something strange and uncomfortable twisted in her chest. His teeth were straight and white, his eyes a sparkling blue beneath the hat’s dark brim. A glimpse of someone else shone out at her. Maybe the man he was beneath the fear and desperation. Maybe the man he’d been before he’d gone to prison. She didn’t know, but whoever it was touched her in a way she hadn’t been touched in a long, long time. Maybe ever.
“Here’s the thing,” he said. “The emergency room would have asked too many questions and then called the cops to report a knife wound. Internet sources would take too long, and I’m not in the mood to knock off a vet’s office. So.” He pointed at two more bottles on the shelf. “You have your choice of Amoxicillin, Erythromycin or a sulfa-combo. What’ll it be?”
Curiosity won out and Alyssa took one of the bottles from him. Sure enough, as far as she could tell, it was the same stuff she’d given out prescriptions for in the past. “How is this legal?”
“Let’s not worry about that right now. Just tell me which one you can take and we’ll get back on the road.”
That comment had her looking up and toward the front of the store. The two young clerks loitered there talking, their heads together, body language hunched and tight.
“Well?” Teague prodded.
He’d truly made this stop to help her. He’d risked being seen just to find antibiotics for her infection. So many thoughts zoomed through her head at the same time she couldn’t prioritize or sift. She looked back at him. “Do you have that gun on you or is it in the car?”
His face tensed, eyes sharpened. He glanced the direction she’d been looking and watched the clerks. “I have it on me. Why?”
Let me make one thing very clear: I am not going back to prison. Ever. I’ll die first.
“I think we should go.” Alyssa pulled him toward the opposite end of the aisle.
He resisted. “Why the rush?”
“Come on.”
He pulled on her hand until she was forced to turn back around and face him. “Talk to me first.”
She lowered her voice to a whisper. “I think they recognized us.”
Teague’s mouth went stone hard. His bright eyes scoured the store and he urged Alyssa toward the rear corner of the building.
“Where are you going? The front doors are that way.”
“Which is exactly where the cops will come in if they’ve been called.”
They reached a single rear door with a banner reading, No exit. Fire alarm will sound. Teague tinkered with a lever on the big red bell over the door then pressed the metal bar. Alyssa cringed, expecting an ear piercing alarm, but it never came. Teague poked his head out the door, took a quick look around then pulled her out behind him.
**Skipping over unrelated occurrence in the scene…**
He remained silent as he drove, his hands busy in a familiar wringing of the steering wheel, his brow heavy in thought.
As Alyssa’s mind turned back to the fiasco they’d just fled, nausea rolled in her belly. She’d just walked away from her chance to escape, and she wasn’t sure if the queasiness stemmed from missing the opportunity or from nearly getting the opportunity.
At the first exit, Teague veered off the freeway and drove half a block to a gas station-slash-mini mart. Her muscles tensed, jutting another round of pain through her torso.
“Can we stop somewhere else?” Alyssa asked. “Anywhere else? I think I’m suffering PTSD.”
He parked around the corner from the front door, jammed the car in park and got out without a word. The slam of the door made Alyssa flinch. Instead of coming to her side of the car, he walked directly into the store without looking back.
A fresh sense of uncertainty tightened her chest. He’d left her in the car unattended and uncuffed. She looked out the window at a vacant office building with a ‘for rent’ sign out front, then to a darkened church next door, the parking lot empty. There was no immediate shelter within running distance, but she should still run. She should. So what kept her sitting there?
He wasn’t gone long enough for Alyssa’s heart to slow to a regular rhythm let alone give her time to form an answer to the question. He approached her side of the car carrying a bottle of water and a newspaper. Popping the door open, he pulled the antibiotics from his pocket and twisted the top off then held both out to her. When she took them, he closed the door without saying a word and walked around to the driver’s side.
He slid into his seat and sat there staring straight ahead without turning the car on. His fingers fiddled with the edge of the newspaper in his lap.
Alyssa downed a healthy dose of the fish meds, hoping they didn’t kill her, then looked at him again. “You’re kind of freaking me out.”
“What the hell is PTSD?”
“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”
He rolled his eyes then turned to look at her with a quick snap of his head. “Why’d you do that? At the pet store?”
“I just… I don’t know. You made it clear you’d die before you went back to prison. I… I…” Didn’t want to watch you die. “I didn’t want to see anyone get hurt.”
Even though the dynamics between them had started shifting before this, Alyssa’s decision to save Teague from capture and sacrificing her own freedom in the process changes everything between them. The conscious decision can’t be taken back, can’t be reasoned away, and they both know it.
You can read how Alyssa and Teague started out in the first chapter of Fever, here.
What is your favorite point in a story?
[Ed. Joan is giving away a copy of Fever to one of our commenters today, so be sure to leave a meaningful comment or question for her. AND! All comments will be entered to win either a Nook Color or a Kindle Fire during Joan’s Blog Tour. How’s that for a terrific contest! Thanks, Joan!]
I’m really looking forward to reading this book! As for me, I love love love that point in the story where both characters are willing to be vulnerable with each other for the first time, esp. when it’s a hard-won vulnerability.
“hero and heroine are approaching the point of no return. That place where one or both make the decision to do something that changes everything in the existing relationship. From that point on, there is no going back to the way things were.”
I love this point of any book, Joan, I just reached it in my WIP and came away with such a big smile. I got so engrossed that I stayed up way too late with a busy day the next day and wrote 15 great pages. I didn’t regret the lack of sleep. Yay! I’ve got FEVER ordered and it can’t get here fast enough but wouldn’t mind a signed copy. Good luck with it, I love debut authors and enjoy featuring them on my blog, so … : )
One of my favorite points in a story has to be when the hero and heroine first meet. It’s fun reading about their first impressions of each other. Thanks for the giveaway!
Really like it when hero or heroine makes that epiphany – when they realize what the other is meant to them. That always makes me smile.
And it’s great to see when they first meet too.
No need to enter me since I already read the book! You guys are so going to love it.
My favorite part of the story is when the hero and heroine finally open up and are honest with each other. The great the build up to this the more I like it. Though some times I do what to reach into the pages and smack them both upside the head ;).
I really can’t wait to read this!
vsloboda(at)gmail(dot)com
Congrats to Joan on her upcoming debut release. My favorite point is when the characters who have been dancing around their attraction finally give in and the tension dissipates.
Oooh this looks good . . read the excerpt on your site this morning after reading Sandy’s review . ..
My favourite part of the story is when both of the characters realise that although they have shared their bodies – it is time to share their minds . ..
This does look good, I’ve enjoyed the excerpts. I love a story with an unlikeable hero and am always interested in how they get “rehabbed” and how the author can get me to change my first impressions. When it’s done well it really adds to the story and characters, for me anyway.
I seriously can’t wait to read your book! And thank you for Chapter 1. In most romance books, I tend to love the point at which the hero and heroine take the plinge (er, so to speak) and give in to their attraction. Although, I also love the buildup to that point as well, where, for example, the guy is strarting to lose his ability to keep his hands off the onject of his desire and he may push her up against a wall and either kiss her or almost kiss her. However much she wants to give in, she pushes him away. I just love that!
I hope I’m not too late to be in the running to win..and congrats!
MJB; msmjb65 AT gmail DOT com.
I enjoyed the article and excerpt. I also read somewhere else the 15 things you learned while writing this book. I guess I never really knew the amount of research that goes into writing a book. Very impressed!
I enjoyed the excerpt. The book sounds very good. My favorite part of the story is when the main characters realize their true feelings for each other.
Hi Jen…that is a sweet, sweet moment! Thanks for coming by!
Hi Amy! Thanks so much for ordering FEVER!! XO I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that feeling! I’m in the same place with my WIP right now and it’s killing me that I’m pulled in so many directions away from it at the moment. It’s on my mind all the time!! Enjoy your writing! 🙂
Hi Kristy! That is a really fun moment – especially when they don’t particularly like each other and/or when there’s lots of snark involved. 🙂 My favorite!
Rachel,
Have I told you lately how much I love you???? 😀
LOL, Viki! I often want to smack them upside the head. But you’re right, a good build up to the moment when they finally let their guard down and open themselves emotionally to the other person is a poignant moment.
Thanks Jane! And that is a yummy, yummy moment, when the H/h finally give in!
Hi Willa, I love when stories are written that way — to have them having sex and finally realizing there is more.
Peggy, I agree. The “rehabbing” is extremely powerful and can make a character stick with me for a very long time. Thanks for coming by!
Hi MJB, You’re a push-pull fan! Me too! Really amps that moment when they finally give in! If you don’t win this round, lots more chances on my blog tour. Check my website for dates!
Hi Shelley! I actually lucked out on this book because I lived a lot of it, so I had a lot of the information to start with and didn’t have to research that part. 🙂 Some books take far more research, which is really part of the fun! Thanks for coming by!
Hi bn100, That is a fun moment — whether they like it or not, that realization can create quite a buzz!
I can’t wait to get my hands on this book. I have ordered it from B&N. Hope it is as good as I think it will be and that there will be many more to come.
Robin
My favorite part of the story is when the main characters meet for the first time.
My favorite part is when they couple finally stops denying/fighting their attraction!
Choices are so hard to make but I find them necessary in helping a character develop. I like when a character goes through their ups and downs. Misunderstandings aren’t fun but it’s interesting to see how they deal and realize their rights – and wrongs in them.
Hi Robin! I too hope it’s as good as you think it will be (eeek! the pressure!!) Fingers crossed! 🙂
Hi Minna,
That is a great, fun moment!
Hi Tracey! That is a very YUMMY moment!!
Na, I agree. I love those moments that bring out the heart of a character!
Congratulations on your debut. Interesting excerpt. You paired fascinating trivia with a very human moment. Next time I’m in a pet store, I think I’ll read the back of some fish medications. I know pets are given human meds, but I still thought a vet needed to write the prescription. Of course, there aren’t many fish vets around, are there? 🙂
I love it when the hero fights his feelings of love and the point when he finally realizes that he doesn’t stand a chance 😀
Hi Kim!
Thanks. LOL, don’t think there’d be much call for fish vets.
Hi Krista!
That’s an awesome moment!
This book looks great! Does your family read your books?
I have one question – the same question that hit me while reading the book. Where the heck did you find out about fish antibiotics? And is that true? Although I worked in a veterinary hospital for six years, so I am inclined to believe that not only is it true, but that the regulations are probably nearly non-existent in this case.
I am stalking the blogs a bit late, but I still like to see what I have missed in each guest post and interview anyway. Congratulations on the release! I loved the book and can’t wait for the release of Blaze! 🙂
Kendra @ Reader’s Edyn
Great excerpt. Really looking forward to reading it. And a pet store, I dont think I have seen that yet. Great place to pick.
bacchus76 at myself dot com