I know I probably come across as a Debbie Downer. Or, actually, I don’t know. Sybil tells me (every so often, that I’m being too much of a Mary Sue and that I’m butt-kissing. And then she tells me I can’t have X book because the author just died and I probably will hate it and even she isn’t mean enough to post an F or DNF review of author who newly died’s book.) Apparently I’m equal parts Glinda, and Elphaba. (And yes I am disappointed in myself for not remember if L. Frank Baum had given the Wicked Witch a name.) And for what it’s worth, I don’t think I brown nose – I simply try to remain upbeat on my “public face” and be happy and celebrate achievements. If you look carefully, I actually do very little promotion.
I’d like to be able to say that we all realize there are different levels of importance, and gravitas. The tragedies of say, the Holocaust, or slavery, are much greater than a fatal car accident you see on the local news. To drive the point home, it’s a lot worse than your computer dying. Or even, you spilling something on your new book. I get that. We all get that.
At the same time… the little things are, and can be bothersome. One of the things that pisses me off the most are the unsympathetic people. Not even the eternal optimists… just those that belittle your woes and feelings. It makes me livid. I want to break, crush, and kill things.
Let me give you an example. I might say… “I got a really nasty paper cut today, and think it’s infected. Ouch. Whine!” And personal acquaintance will say “yeah, well, at least you don’t have to deal with road side bombs in Iraq.”
Um, no shit. Fuck you. I realize a paper cut in no way compares to dealing with IEDs. I know I can’t even comprehend what it would be like to have to live like that. But you know what? I still bled, and possibly have an infection. Of course it gets worse, but it could also get better.
I have mixed feelings about saying this… but – or because – it seems on blog land you always have to be happy. And nice. And pleasant. Always. And what we do is whine and bitch and moan to our friends in private. Through emails, instant messages, direct messages, chat rooms, and the like. Ok, fine. But you know, that’s not realistic. Because, admit it – you do that. Or have bitch fests over text messages, the phone, in person. You have to, or you’ll explode. It’s unnaturally to be able to take everything in stride, rationalize it and be hunky dory.
Not that we’re always nice – I realize this. Really. I’m not trying to create a shit storm. (And God help me if I do.) What I’m really saying, I guess… is respect each other. Listen to what the other person is saying. Step into his or her shoes. I feel like this is my blessing, and my curse. I think too much. I do my best to see everything from both sides. (Although I also freely admit to being quite irrational. Every so often I hate everyone who is more successful and younger than I am. It’s nothing personal – just a principle thing.)
Don’t dismiss or disallow someone’s feelings. Unless I’m doing that to you. I’m always right. [Did my very sorry attempt at levity work?]
And/but sometimes… yes. It is, what it is. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t get mired in the nitty gritty. But at the same time, yes, it is what it is. Maybe some little thing is wrong, and a person will stand to the death and fight over that tiny detail. I can respect that. [Not just because I’m like that. I like to think I’m pretty easy going – but things can set me off. I generally don’t like confrontation, but I will argue something into the ground if I believe in it. I might even use caps lock, expletives, or excessive punctuation.]
And that’s something we need to understand as well. Some authors freak out or hate typos in their printed books. You could say “well that’s only one or two misspelled word out of thousands.” But guess what – very likely other readers notice it. Sure, it doesn’t make the reader gasp, and throw the book across the room, while they fling an arm up and faint backwards, shrieking “I cannot believe this travesty has seen the light of day!” But it still registers. So, to explain. If I see a typo, I’m not going to go ape shit. I’m not going to throw the book out the window, and I’m not going to write down every page with a typo in my review. But I will see it. That’s all.
That probably failed miserably as an example, and I’ll likely regret it.
Let me summarize, or try to explain my point. Be respectful. Allow people to disagree, as long as it’s rational. Personal attacks, or stalkerish behavior is always unnecessary and excessive. But let people have opinions that differ from yours. Don’t belittle them for that, or condescend. (Because chances are that snarky, subtle insult you couldn’t resist inserting has been picked up by someone. And that someone is smarter than you are. Really – there’s always someone smarter out there.) Don’t be an ass.
Be Sensitive.
Well said, wee green one.
Crap balls…subscribed with the wrong freaking email address.
Don’t mind me…
Yup yup! I’m always telling my RL friends – in a general way, nobody’s opinion/time/etc. is more important than yours (do you hear me rude crazy drivers rushing off to wherever?) but yours isn’t more important than anybody else’s, either, when you come right down to it. It’s all about perspective, yes?
I don’t get it. Well other than sometimes you don’t get the books you want *g*
Harlequin needs to figure out what ‘aspiring’ author means. I have a hard time trying to figure out why all 550+ who didn’t win shouldn’t be pissed.
The amazon author is nuts but that is just same day different nut.
lol Sybs, I meant “have” in a general sense – you’re the one who tells me “remind me not to give you X book for Y reason.”
And this post applies to all sorts of things – but yes, two train wrecks just so happened on the interwebs just now so this post is especially relevant, I hope.
HQN should have been more clear. (To others, I was a bit ranty mcranterpants in my personal thoughts because legalese *does* matter, dammit.)
JenB – thank you 🙂 Especially for the “crap balls” – I think that adds the most to this post 😉
c2 – wise words. Although, me being me, I’ll disagree 😀 I do think some things are more important than others. However that doesn’t mean you can be dismissive of a person across the board because s/he hasn’t say, survived cancer. So, yes, I believe we are basically saying the same thing. I’m just being excessively particular. :X
Hallelujah! THANK YOU for this post… my mother is an eternal optimist and always belittling – not the word she would use – things when I get upset. Yes, I know it isn’t the end of the world, or to use your example, an IED, or cancer, but it still matters enough to ME to get me worked up. Sometimes you just need to vent and hearing platitudes isn’t required and can make things worse. Here is an example of Mom-comments… Me: “Argh! Some jerk cut ME off and then brake-checked me like it was my fault that he cut in too close! And flipped me off!”, My Mom: “Oh, honey. He was probably late for work/having a family crisis/etc.” Me: “Or, you know, he was just an a$$hole.” 🙂 Sorry for the long post – you just hit on a lot of things that made me raise my fist in the air in agreement and say a loud “Hell Yes!”. (BTW, don’t get me wrong – I adore my mom.)
Theresa – I understand 100%. I think my friends are pretty great too. That doesn’t mean I sometimes don’t want to punch them in the face or smack them upside the head :X.
At LAST!! Someone has put into (pretty damn good) words exactly how I feel most of the time! I totally agree. Be kind. You don’t have to be so sappy you require bitch slapping, but be kind. it costs nothing and takes very little effort.
On another front, i GOT a paper cut the other night. Did DH sympathize? No. He said, and I quote…..How’d you do that?? Um…on PAPER???
AMEN!!! Very well said m’dear.
She doesn’t get the books she wants? Ha!
But nice post lime-one. I can’t say limey because that’s me, isn’t it? But yeah, everything in perspective. Yes, be kind, be thoughtful. I will say that when I do a bad review I read it over and over and try to make it accurate and hate sending it in because I know what it feels like from the other side. I try to say what I don’t like about it, so people who do like that plot point or whatever can make their own minds up. And I do try to find something good about the book.
I said in general! :-p Sometimes, of course, one person’s opinion is more important. Mine, for example. Heh.
One person’s opinion is just that. One person’s opinion. People really need to lighten up already…I’m just sayin’
Hi Maureen! Thanks for the (double!) comments 😀 lol st00pid DH – of course you didn’t have to go to the ER, but I’m sure the paper cut wasn’t fun and was rather a pain. Poor thing.
Netti – 😀 Thanks
Lynne- interesting take on the post – thanks for commenting. And agreed- it’s important to remain civil.
c2- of course your opinion is generally more important that most! 😉
This is an amazing post. Truly, one of the best I’ve read in a long time. My father had this thing he’d say – when our world, my world, was falling apart, he’d say – At least you’re not in a Nazi concentration camp. And that’s supposed to make me feel better? All that did was make me feel guilty for being in pain because I’d just been punched in the face by my ex. People have a right to their concerns, to their little complaints and to their big complaints. Everything is not always sweetness and light and sometimes we have a bad day – I’m allowed to have a bad day without remembering how many billions of people in the world are, right at this moment, having a worse day. The uselessness of guilt…
And by the way, as an author, I’m going to go out on a limb. A book cover is of extreme importance. I got a couple of covers that sucked eggs, and I felt I had the right to bitch about them – a cover is the very first thing the reader sees and it colors a readers perception of what lies within. A good cover can make all the difference in the world to a new author. I will walk past a book with a lousy cover, won’t even give it a second glance – what if I’m missing the greatest book ever written? Oh…when did I climb up on my soapbox? Sorry!
Words to live by! By the way, wikipedia says: “The Wicked Witch Of The West is given the name Evillene, and is the malevolent ruler of the Winkies. She is the sister of Addaperle, Glinda, and Evvamene, the other three witches of Oz. ” I also remember that back in Kansas the woman who plays the witch had the given name of Elvira. (The one rides the bike before she turns into the witch).
Julia – loved your comment! Thanks for stopping by! You make a lot of good points – that could be the topic of subsequent ponderings! 😀
KarLyn – Wow – I’m super impressed, thanks 🙂 I need to find all the Oz books and re-read them.