Sabrina Jeffries, author and procrastinator, gives us her version of 12 Days of Christmas. Don’t forget to catch her upcoming (and wonderfully titled) Let Sleeping Rogues Lie (School For Heiresses, Book 4), coming 19 Feb 08.
Much as I adore Christmas (and I do), I find it overwhelming when I’m also on deadline (which I am), since, as any of my friends can tell you, I’m easily distracted by shiny things and chocolate. So here’s my version of 12 Days, dedicated to ADD authors everywhere (note that I would rather write this than work on my novella, which just shows how dysfunctional I am). I present…
An ADD Author’s Dysfunctional 12 Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas, I started writing this: a book from my inner goddess.
On the second day of Christmas, I started watching this: two TV shows,
then I wrote to please my inner goddess.
On the third day of Christmas, I started drinking this: three cups of coffee
while watching reruns
as I tried to soothe my nagging goddess.
On the fourth day of Christmas, I started reading this: four great novellas
while drinking coffee,
then watched some “Cold Case,”
thus ignoring my inner goddess.
On the fifth day of Christmas, I started answering this: five fan e-mails
then I read a while,
drank coffee black,
watched an hour of “Charmed,”
and I wrote a blog to spite my goddess.
On the sixth day of Christmas, I started skimming this: six old Publishers Weeklies,
then read e-mail,
read a long novella,
drank lots of coffee,
watched “the Daily Show,”
and I wrote around my inner goddess.
On the seventh day of Christmas, I started plotting this: seven future novels,
then skimmed PWs,
tossed out e-mail,
read a long love scene,
bought me a latte,
watched “Without a Trace,”
and I wrote the book without my goddess.
On the eighth day of Christmas, I started reading this: eight Sybil blogs,
then plotted novels,
tossed out PWs,
answered e-mail,
read a short novella,
added rum to coffee,
watched the “Messiah,”
and I lied to my inner goddess.
On the ninth day of Christmas, I started eating this: nine chocolate bonbons,
then swung by Sybil’s,
plotted my novels,
got a new PW,
answered fan mail,
skimmed a novella,
swilled rum-laced Coke,
watched a sappy film,
and I drank with my inner goddess.
On the tenth day of Christmas, I started wrapping this: ten Christmas presents,
then ate some bonbons,
read blogs at Sybil’s,
wished my plots were better,
tossed aside PW,
ignored e-mail,
stumbled through a book,
bought some tequila,
watched the ticking clock,
and then whined to my inner goddess.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, I started baking this: eleven Christmas cookies,
then lost the presents,
ate lots of chocolate,
checked in at Sybil’s,
gave up on plotting,
cursed at PW,
fired off e-mail,
decided not to read,
swigged margaritas,
watched myself implode,
and then yelled at my inner goddess.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, I started screaming this: “Where’s the tequila?”
then I ate the cookies,
gave up on presents,
stuffed myself with chocolate,
grumbled to Sybil,
swore off of novels,
forgot PW,
ignored e-mail,
tossed the book aside,
drank whisky neat,
cursed at Dr. Phil,
then I killed off my inner goddess.
Dysfunctionally yours,
Sabrina
What about you readers and authors out there – what do you do to procrastinate?
I can’t add a better list than Sabrina Jeffries’. She hit the nail right on the head. 🙂 Have a great Christmas!
Where did you get the pictures for 8, 9 and 10?!! Those are so Great!!! Are they Gwen’s doing?
Who else is going on number eleven about now…?
I think I got stuck on #9 and am just repeating it over and over and over… 🙂
Aren’t those pictures GREAT??? I couldn’t have done better myself. And thank GOD Gwen did the pics, because writing the thing took up half a day (I know, I know, it’s really sad, isn’t it?). Must finish novella tomorrow.
Not sad at all, it’s quite witty. I’m the sad one… I had a cute idea and couldn’t manage to finish it out. I think I managed 8 days *sigh*, That would be why I pay for y’all’s books. Those who can, do. Those who can’t just read about it.
This had me chuckling, Sabrina. If I were a writer, I’d stop at Day 9, too, lol.
Thanks, Alicia and Pam, although actually I meant that it was sad that I am SUCH a procrastinator that I’ll spend half a day on something for Sybil rather than write on my novella. But I’m finally getting somewhere with my past deadline story, thank goodness. Clearly, writing the 12 days inspired me. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. *G*
That Tara Reid pic just speaks to “tequila,” doesn’t it?