The Funniest Contest Evah - ENDED
March 26, 2007
I’d like to offer some brave soul who leaves a comment the chance to win a copy of my debut book.
Come on, how often do you get mail from Australia?
Comment, people!
The comment that makes me laugh the longest wins the book.
The next three funniest comments win signed coverflats. Sorry, you’ll have to buy Claiming the Courtesan to see what should have been in between the covers.
Good luck! And may the funniest poster win!
**I am not sure at all what time is what. So uh... I will post a close time when anna comes around and tells me cuz she is aussie time. Comment on any post by anna, about anna, and or Claiming the Courtesan to win. Only one winner per household. Thanks**
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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. Finally, the doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was being breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed," she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination that seemed to be quite enjoyed by the woman. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm sure glad I came."
***
What, no one said I couldn't share a joke (one of my favorite jokes ever, lol)
LOL Angie!
OK, Angie, that was cute! You're on the list.
Corny but what if it is true...?
If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the light on, does a hard sleeper sleep harder with a hard on? ...
I tried!
Sounds like a good book.
Oh, dear, Katie! That made me think of the definition of an agnostic dyslexic insomniac. You know, he lies awake at night wondering if there is a dog?
Oliveria, thank you!
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.
"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver,' but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"
Hey, ladydawgfan, I LOVED your hillbilly joke!
I actually get more mail from Australia than I want! LOL!! Anna, congrats on being published! It's great to hear when an Aussie is doing well! I've ordered my copy and I am looking forward to reading it!
No jokes, but I laughed...Hind Lick Maneuver...funny really.
Marg, how about mail from Australia that doesn't have a nasty little window envelope? I'll take any mail that doesn't fall into that category! Thanks for the congrats! Nice to see another Aussie here! Hope you enjoy reading the blue monster when it turns up.
I'm not sure if anyone heard of this joke before, but here goes...
A man just died and went to heaven, but was stopped by St. Peter at the pearly gates. He is told that he cannot go to heaven, and hell was full, but he would be given three choice rooms and he will replace whomever was in the room. The man agrees. St. Peter opens the first door, and a man was diving into the ocean over and over again. The man says no. So they went to the second door, and saw a man stabbing himself over and over again. The man says no. They went to the third door, and there was a man and a woman... er... doing each other. Obviously relishing the idea, the man nodded, "I'll take this one." So St. Peter agreed, then pointed at the woman and said, "You, get out."
Come to think of it, my storytelling skills are clearly wanting. Oh well!!
Made me laugh, Ai Yin! Thank you!
This story is really funny but I don't think I can reproduce it without permission so here's the link to it: http://larissaione.com/soapbox/2007/03/21/ill-take-tmi-for-200-alex/
Oh, Jenny, kacking myself laughing all the way down here in Oz. Febreezing her husband? How hilarious is that? Thank you!!
Because Easter is coming I will post my joke from last year. What's funny is when my arse does hurt from sitting at my desk for too long and I tell my hubby he says 'what?'
http://cindyl.blogspot.com/2006/04/early-easter-fun.html
CindyS
Hind Lick Maneuver... omg... too funny
You have a bit to choice from all the posts anna *g*
Hey Cindy
btw, Anna, if I win the coverflat, please pass me over since I've got that gorgeous cover of yours safely on my wall =D. Cheers!
Now you're just name dropping, Ai Yin! And hey, one coverflat is nice, two make WALLPAPER!!! And I'm looking desperately for an emoticon but can't find one so imagine one is laughing right here.
Cindy, that was TOO funny!
A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Ma
The Worst Book I Ever Read
A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."
I'm going to keep these! Great jokes! Cathie, your blonde one was fantastic and I snickered my way through Amy S's.