REVIEW: Dating the Undead by Juliet Lyons

Sammy’s review of Dating the Undead (Undead Dating Service, Book 1)  by Juliet Lyons
Paranormal Romance published by Sourcebooks Casablanca 02 May 17

I have been on a Vampire book binge lately. This book looked promising and I have never read this author. I figured I would give it a chance, and with a blurb by Katie MacAlister, it was a no-brainer. I have been on such a winning streak reading new-to-me authors, I was very excited to dive right in. Unfortunately, this book was just not my cup of tea. I only read 25% of the book and skimmed the last few chapters. I’m really glad I didn’t force myself to read it to the end, because the ending would have had me throw my precious Paperwhite against my stone fireplace.

Silver Harris is at a bar with her date on New Year’s Eve when her date ditches her for another chick, and she was having none of that. A big scene is made and she storms off, stealing someone’s Chanel coat and forgetting her purse inside. As she runs out of the bar, she bumps into the very handsome Logan Byrne, who happens to be a vampire. He knows she stole the coat and goes in to retrieves her purse for her. They share some banter and he walks her home. Of course, there are some drunk guys being rowdy, making lewd remarks, and Logan, the very old gentleman vampire, is having none of that. Let me make note that Silver has red hair and she’s sassy. When I typed that, I rolled my eyes up into my head. Silver is very sarcastic, and at times I really thought sassy was the wrong descriptor. Her tongue is probably equipped with barbed wire, the red hair just added to the cliche. I just didn’t like Silver from the moment she stole the coat. She’s petty and mean. Silver and Logan do share a hot kiss and that kept me semi-interested.

Logan is a low-key vampire. He’s lived for hundreds of years and he chooses to live in a hovel, because it’s where he was raised and reminds him of his human life. He also has a Sire he has to answer to. The big bad vampire owns a bar where humans go to be the appetizers. These vampire bites are very addictive and it’s a lucrative business. So is the V-Dating website where humans can hook up with vampires. While Logan is off the page, Silver is really into the bite Logan gave her and her sister talks her into joining the V-Dating site. After she fills out her profile, she hooks up with another vamp and lets him bite her. The next day at her job, the police show up wanting her to be a snitch about how the vampires work. Meanwhile, Logan’s Sire knows that they are sniffing around and tells Logan to open an account and check out what’s going on with that website.

Finally, Logan and Silver are back on the same page and they meet up. She’s playing coy and hard to get, yet she lets him into her apartment when they start to get frisky and we are in Logan’s head.

“When I look down and see my swollen manhood thrusting in her exquisite, ivory hand, I lose it completely. Shouting her name as I fall apart, I hold her to me, burying my face in her hair.”

Swollen manhood just doesn’t work for me. I mean, we are in 2017 and I don’t care how old this vampire is or what nationality, swollen manhood is just a big NO. Just yuck. He now how his hands down her panties and her phone rings and instead of letting it go to voicemail, she answers. It turns out to be her childhood friend Ollie. She tells Ollie that she was still coming to see him and Logan tells her she’ll be coming all over his face. Ollie is asking her who’s there and she tells him it’s the television and hangs up. Logan asks her who Ollie is and she asks him if he’s jealous, then he plays it off like it’s no biggie.

“I scoff. Jealous? Me? What could he possibly have that I don’t?” She shrugs. “A heartbeat.” I slap a hand playfully to my chest, as if mortally wounded. “Low blow, Silver. Even for you.” She stands swinging her arms beside her. “I should get ready.” It’s hard to believe that only moments ago, her hand was in my pants as I unraveled around her. The air has turned fifty shades of awkward.”

After this I had enough. I can honestly say I just couldn’t stand Silver. I skimmed to the end chapters and after reading how things ended, no, no, no, no. Not for me. I like my immortals to stay immortal. Of course, your mileage may vary.

Grade: DNF

Summary:

For mortals wanting to get up close and personal with the beautiful undead, there’s…

V-DATE, THE UNDEAD DATING SERVICE

Silver Harris is over clingy men―maybe men altogether. But when she shares a toe-curling kiss with a sexy Irish vampire on New Year’s Eve, she wonders if maybe it’s human men she’s done with. Silver turns to the popular vampire dating site, V-Date, but soon she’s in over her head and her mysterious hottie is nowhere to be found…

Logan Byrne can’t get that sassy redhead out of his head―or that kiss! When his boss assigns him to spy on V-Date members, he meets Silver again. Turns out, the police are recruiting humans to snitch on vampires through the dating site. As the snark and sparks fly, feelings between Silver and Logan grow deep and suddenly Logan isn’t so sure he can betray her, no matter how dangerous the consequences might be.

No excerpt available.

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