Preparing for RT has given me a clue that many people don’t travel very much by plane, if at all. Recently, it’s become an annual thing for me, and I’m kind of in the routine. I’ve been asked a lot about how I cope, so maybe it’s a good idea to have it all in one place.

I adore solo travel. My first trip, I was just worried and nervous, but once I got through that, I realized that I actually enjoyed it. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, didn’t have to make polite conversation, didn’t have to defer to anyone else.

My other big revelation – once through security — become the airline’s bitch. Do as you’re told. Find your gate, read the instructions, plug in your music player (essential at airports unless you want to go insane listening to the repeated announcements that don’t concern you). Unplug or turn it down half an hour before your flight or when they start to board. Don’t piss off security. Some of the things they have to do are a bit intrusive, but if they weren’t so thorough, we’d be in trouble. Do what they tell you (yes, I know I said it twice). Go where they tell you, sit where they tell you, watch the films they give you (with caveats, but I’ve discovered some really interesting films that way – also seen a lot of crap – it’s all experience), eat what they give you.

You will find, that like a good BDSM experience, it’s a freeing thing. You don’t have to make decisions about your own life anymore. Not until you clear security at the other end. It means you are free to do things you enjoy and don’t always have time for. Read a book, watch a film on your laptop, and glory be, you have eight hours or more to work with no internet and no phone calls and nobody knocking at the door. For that time, they can’t get at me.

So, my top tips?

1.    Don’t forget to put your ID inside all your suitcases and bags, together with an itinerary, so if you and your bags get separated, you can reunite with them at some point. If the labels on the outside get torn off, they can look inside and find out who and where you are.
2.    Put copies of your tickets and accommodation details in the cloud. If you lose them, you can just access them again.
3.    Check in the day before online and print out your boarding pass. Then you can sneer at the long check-in lines on your way through to the baggage drop the next day. One caveat – you still have to check in at the desk if you’re going from the USA to Europe. They don’t trust us, you know.
4.    Give yourself plenty of time, even if it means getting up at 4 a.m.
5.    Hydrate. Don’t drink too much coffee before you go and drink lots of water, or, guaranteed, you’ll get a headache.
6.    Leave a detailed list of where you’ll be and your credit card numbers, etc. with your spouse, other half, mother, whoever. Someone who can take control if the worst happens and you get knocked down because you’re looking the wrong way when you cross the road or if you lose your credit card. Make a photocopy of your passport, so if that goes AWOL, you can show the copy to the embassy and they can get you home.
7.    Don’t carry too many liquids. Try never to carry foamy things, like hair mousse. The decompression does something weird to it and it will explode. A fun experiment, but not good if you want to actually wear what you pack.
8.    If you’re visiting somewhere new, make sure you know how to get to your hotel. Book a shuttle from the airport, if you can. Look up your hotel on Google Maps and use the little yellow man to actually see it. Apart from anything else, it’s huge fun.
9.    Take the cables for your laptop, Kindle, phone, etc. with the devices.
10.    These days you can only have one suitcase in the hold and one carry-on, but your savior is the “handbag” you’re allowed. Get a nice big one. It’ll hold your duty-frees and the water you’ll buy once through security and all those last-minute things you forgot about until ten minutes before you’re due to leave the house.
11.    Once past security, repack. Put everything you won’t actually need on the journey in your carry-on. Pack everything else in your handbag/briefcase. Change of clothes, laptop, ereader, paperback, mp3 player, water, toiletry kit. You can separate the cables at this point, if you want to. Best kind of carry-on is the one that zips across the top, like those cartie things that old ladies use when they shop (old ladies are wise – listen to them). Then, if the zip breaks, you can use a belt to fasten it and not be screwed. I speak from experience. I had a fancy briefcase on wheels until the zip burst in a departure lounge. Totally unusable. Did that leg of the journey with everything stuffed into plastic bags. Speaking of which, disposable plastic carrier bags are awesome. Laundry bags, shoe bags, you name it.
12.    I know old ladies love them, but on flights elasticated waist skirts and pants are everybody’s friend. Your body does some weird expansion and contraction things during a flight. Dress for comfort, but don’t dress like a slob. I’ve never seen anyone turn up for a red-eye flight in their pj’s, but I live in hope. No novelty jewelry or accessories, like combs in the shape of flick knives or necklaces in the shape of revolvers. Don’t wear too much metal. They’ll have to search you in more detail. Wear slip-on shoes or sandals, because you’ll have to take them off at security. And socks. Wear socks, at least for security.
13.    Get one of those security belt thingies. You’ll have to put it in your carry on for security, but it’s so useful and also reassuring to have your passport, ticket and some money on you, rather than in your bag next to you. And you know just where to find them when you need them, because you’re going to have to produce them a lot.
14.    Sit back and let the plane take you where you want to go. Try not to annoy the staff. Don’t make stupid jokes, like “hope you don’t find the bomb in there.” Smile and be pleasant, but don’t waste their time. They’ve seen it all, and they just want to process you as painlessly as possible. That “I am not a number, I am a free man” thing? Reverse it for the duration of the journey. You are a number. Embrace it. Love it.
15.    If you have anything valuable, wear it. I have a pair of diamond earrings. If I take them when I travel, I wear them, or put them in my security belt. Junk jewelry is far less stressful.
16.    After takeoff, alter your clocks and watches to the time at your destination. The sooner you start getting used to it, the better.
17.    Here’s my guide for things you’ll need during the flight:
a)    The toiletry kit – some airlines provide one, though not many anymore, so don’t bank on it. Pack your own. Pack a pouch with a small bar of soap, a toothbrush and tiny amount of toothpaste or a preloaded toothbrush, and a washcloth or cosmetic sponge. And some mouthwash. For the sake of your fellow passengers, mouthwash. Chewing gum, if you like it. Mints. Anything.
b)    I got this one from Douglas Adams, and he is so right. In The Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy his characters are rarely without a towel. Read what Ford Prefect says and believe it. A hand towel can be a large napkin, a screen wipe, a cover, an actual towel, and, wadded up, can be extra support. I get backaches on long flights and the towel is really handy wedged in the small of my back.
c)    Those silly looking blow-up neck supports? Get one. You won’t be sorry. You’ll look a bit daft and feel embarrassed until you realise that every seasoned traveller you can see also has one and isn’t afraid to use it.
d)    Essential – wet wipes. I like tea tree oil ones. Face wipes, hand wipes, whatever. You’re not allowed to take much liquid through customs, so the wet wipe will help you keep clean and fresh. It makes a huge difference. You’ll probably end up sharing them with the person next to you.
e)    Painkillers. Nuff said. But if you forget, the stewards can usually get you some. Also any medication you’re on. Carry it in the right container, so they can see that you’re entitled to take it and whatever it is.
f)    Electronics. Transatlantic flights are eight hours plus. Buy a spare battery for your laptop. Get an ereader, and make sure everything is charged up and ready to go before you leave. Also pack a paperback or magazine, because they don’t let you use anything electronic during take off and landing.
g)    Carry a change of clothes with you, at the very least a clean t-shirt and underwear. If your main suitcase goes astray, you’ll need something, and it’s nice to put on something fresh for your arrival.
h)    Airline socks, as well. I have a hospital pair that I have to wear because I get arthritis. They are hideous and I put them on just before boarding, because I can’t bear to look at them. But for transatlantic travel, if you don’t want your ankles to swell like footballs, those socks work pretty well.

Alternatively, you could do what the teenager who was in the seat next to me on the flight to San Francisco last year did. For a twelve-hour flight she had a magazine and a bag of lollipops. Yeah, that worked well. Not.