LynneC’s review of The Rancher and the Rock Star by Lizbeth Selvig
Contemporary Romance published by Avon Impulse 27 Mar 12
Music is an important part of my life. I have soundtracks for each book I write, and I get excited when I discover new artists who can evoke an emotion in me, so I’m always jonesing for books about musicians. (except for country and western. I just don’t get it, and believe me, I’ve tried. I think I’m missing the country and western gene). When I saw The Rancher and the Rock Star, I decided to give it a go, despite the terrible cover.
Half way through, I DNF’d this book. The unbelievability of the hero and his situation, the super sweetness and the managing heroine did me in. While I love stories about someone extraordinary and an “ordinary” person, I need to be sold on the idea. A non-cursing rock star who believes in virginity (about as mythical as the unicorn to the rocks stars I’ve met, and I’ve met a few) who falls for a Mary Sue doesn’t cut it for me, I’m afraid.
For the first three chapters, the hero’s alias confused me. Many rock stars have stage names, and I wasn’t sure if Gray Covey was a real name or a stage name. A bit distracting. But I decided I could live with that and read on. Far worse is the first chapter. The hero arrives at the heroine’s farm and “thinks” all the plot so far. To himself, as if he didn’t know it. And while thinking to himself, he uses words like “darn.” I’m sorry? He’s not born-again, and as I read on, I realized that he wasn’t precisely a rock star either. About as much as Elton John is a rock star. I can’t complain about the technical details, they seem about right, so there is a measure of authenticity in the research. While the author tries to keep the references current by talking about Bon Jovi and Elton John as rock dinosaurs and people Gray and Abby had grown up loving, there’s little or no mention of current bands, and you don’t have to look far to find the glorious Elbow, Radiohead and the Foo Fighters to reference, instead of mainstream pop stars of yesteryear. (Not sure I’d call Elbow rock but glorious, definitely).
I just couldn’t believe in Gray. He’s perfect, doesn’t take drugs, doesn’t drink to excess, and he is the star, it seems, while the rest of the band and crew work for him. Maybe he’d have been better as a country star, but he doesn’t work as a rock singer. But no, his internal voice is far too feminine to work. He uses “female” words and thinks in a female way. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean “effeminate.” It’s hard to pin down, but I never get a sense of Gray as a real person. He is an object, perfectly built, behaves impeccably and falls in love with a hard-working widow.
Groan. The hard-working widow is the most Mary Sue I’ve read in ages. She’s feisty, whatever that is, she’s God-fearing, she’s beautiful but holds no store by her beauty. And she isn’t special in any way. Why would Gray fall for her? I have absolutely no idea. I find her a bit boring. She does nothing but scold him in the portion of the book that I read, and she pays more attention to the irritating teenage children than she does to him. Oh yes, and she cooks and tidies like a dream. I have no doubt that if they do have sex later in the book, it’s good, and sweet, and missionary, perhaps in a tent or a deserted cabin so they don’t disturb the children.
Gray has a sixteen year old and Abby has a daughter, and that’s what initially brings them together. Abby runs a ranch, only it’s not a ranch like I imagine it. A bit small, or do you get ranches of 40 acres? (Even in the UK, farms have at least 200 acres. I thought ranches were big-ass places). And in Minnesota? I can’t say too much, because I really don’t know much about the set-up, but it does strike me as mildly odd. Gray’s son has run away from his boarding school in England and come to this ranch to meet his online best friend. Yep, you read it right. A sixteen year old managed to fly half way across the world with nobody checking his details. I have to tell you, that’s pretty much impossible these days. Meh, never mind, perhaps he flew on a false passport that he bought from a man in a pub that gave his age as eighteen. Or something like that.
And the title. The Rancher and the Rock Star? It just doesn’t work for me. Too clichéd, I guess. The cover, also, is one of the worst I’ve seen recently, from anywhere but Siren, which, I’m convinced, does it on purpose. This one is badly photoshopped, with a model ripped in that particular gym-bunny way, plonked against a background with a guitar whose perspective doesn’t make sense. It is so poorly done, you can see the lines around the outside of the male figure where it had been detached from its original background. Someone didn’t even bothered to blur it or do the cutting out properly.
Although this book isn’t described as Inspirational, it comes very close. While I don’t object to a character referring gratuitously to God, it is jarring when you’re not expecting it. It annoyed me, to be frank. Evangelicism always has. Perhaps that’s my main problem with this book. The evangelical attitude spread to the other characters, Abby in particular, who decides she’s going to help Gray for his own good. Ick. And it’s so sweet it comes in the tooth-aching section.
I try to read books with as few expectations as possible, but I did know going in that the author had won the Golden Heart. Winners of the Golden Heart often have one book that they tweak and tweak, and I believe that is the case here. Some sections are overwritten with too much description and language so well thought out that it dies on the page. It also has hallmarks of a pet project that the author wouldn’t quite let go of. There are a few alterations I’d have loved to see, like making Abby a bit less wonderful and managing and giving Gray a bit more grit, but they are there, all spread out on the page. Honestly, the book might have worked as an inspirational, but as a mainstream romance about a particularly sleazy business, rock music, it doesn’t work at all.
I did skim the rest of the book, to see if anything remarkable happens in the second half. Nope. But typical of the editing errors sprinkled throughout, at least I got a laugh on the last page. “He craved the taste of her mouth like an addict needed heroine.” I kid you not. Kill me now.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t read further than halfway, and I need something a lot grittier and realistic to satisfy my yearning for reading about rock music.
Grade: DNF
Summary
To the world, Gray Covey is a rock superstar. But to his runaway son, he’s simply the father who never has any time for him. To prove that he’s more than his rock star lifestyle, for the next few weeks Gray must put aside his fame and become…a farmhand?
Abby Stadtler has built the perfect, quiet life for herself. Neat and orderly is the name of the game for her and her beloved farm. When Gray shows up on her doorstep, looking like he stepped straight off the front cover of a magazine, she is determined that he won’t upset her routine.
But what neither counts on is the love that springs up between them. Abby knows that life on a ranch in Minnesota can never compete with an exciting world tour. But for Gray, it’s time to decide what’s really important. With Abby’s help, will he be able to decide, once and for all, that love and family are the answer?
Read an excerpt.
