AKA What will make me wildly unpopular. Or, even less than wherever I am now? Whatever. This is a culmination of a number of thoughts and posts and conversations. In part, it’s why I’ve been quiet lately. Who am I kidding. For the past year. I’m blogging it now because… well, it’s a blog and I can talk about what I want [so long as Sybs hasn't forbidden it], and I want to “explain” where I am right now/what has contributed a bit to my reading slump. (Because every so often I issue cries of help/book recommendations. I am trying to get out of it.)

This is also going to be a meandering post that I’ve merged with what I was going to title “No Book For Me!”

A number of things are changing in publishing. Blogs are coming and going. This is nothing new. (Well the latter part. Publishing is slow to change, or at least it feels that way.)

I guess I’ve been disillusioned, or more annoyed by the “us vs them” mentality that seems to show up online consistently. There’s also the sense that “readers are the enemy” and frankly, I’m sick of that. No, readers are not the enemy. And I know not everyone feels that way, of course, but I see it consistently enough to annoy me. This also makes me sad, because I used to read at least a book every two days. Maybe two to three books on a good day. (More if they were categories.) Reading for pleasure was a priority for me. I mean I did this throughout my undergraduate career, law school, and while studying for the bar as well. It’s been a few months since I’ve read for pleasure daily. At first it felt strange. I used to read before I went to sleep, no matter the time. Now? I … don’t. I tried a few times, but just couldn’t get into books.

More explanation on being turned off reading? Sorry… but… authors. Social climbing, diva behavior… laughing while saying “oh I just write the same story over and over.” But … really the “I’m so much more important than you” vibe. Like an author who will be all “oh hiiiiiii” and excited to talk to you when you’re standing next to someone who is a “super star.” But if/when you’re alone – you’re more than invisible, said author actively is looking through you.

Maybe it’s because this is my first year attending conferences/signings, etc. Or I have bad luck. Or I’m over sensitive. Perhaps it’s all of that in a small part. But I’m also not the dullest crayon in the box. I’m fed up with that behavior, and I for sure know not all authors are like that, but I’m just really… over it. (I’ve been to RT this year, as well as Lori Foster’s Reader & Author Get Together. I didn’t like the former very much, enjoyed the latter… and will be going to RomCon as well. So, we’ll see. Either people will make an effort to ensure they aren’t marked by me as snobs, or will avoid me madly. And, for those of you going to RWA, you’re safe. I won’t be there to judge you.)

I also got sick of seeing rave reviews on every. single. book. out. there. I mean, yay for authors. Hooray for you, and job well done, and all that. However, call me a skeptic. Cynic. I don’t believe it. What makes it worse is people would agree with me in private – that, yes, s/he didn’t love that book more than his/her first born. I give a number of “C” reviews, which here at the pond is an average read. At many other places that’d be a 3 star/book/whatever review. (But a “C” looks so much worse and meaner, right?) I enjoy most books. I don’t love them all indiscriminately. I don’t love having to defend myself for being a discerning or critical reader. And no, actually, I’m not talking about authors behaving badly.

Anyway, readers are the enemy. No. Not true, and very annoying. Readers are consumers, who want reasonable prices, and to not be dicked around. Readers are consumers who expect this across the board. I guess in a way I’m waiting it out. After all, Bluray and HD DVD got figured out. The problem is a number of us aren’t patient enough to wait. Although I suppose now my life is more well rounded? I used to never watch movies. I’d see maybe three a year. So, being called or treated as the enemy makes me want to pirate books. I don’t, but gosh – every time I’m lectured about it it makes me want to. In fact outraged rants complete with swearing is what made me aware of book pirating in the first place. (Yup. Guess I was naive. Also – no worries. I’m too computer/technologically inept to pirate books even if I decided to. Which, if you didn’t pick up on that, I wouldn’t.)

Now? I’ve been watching a lot of TV, and many more movies. Oscar nominees, new box office hits, etc. Whatever I can get from the library. As for television… my newest show I watch? The Ultimate Fighter. I’ve come a long way from not even being able to watch Macbeth in AP English. (Violence! No!) Um, guess a lot of stuff annoys me? Iron Chef, Burn Notice… So You Think You Can Dance… sometimes Chopped. Catching up on The Office, Bones, maybe re-watch Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Justified, Deadliest Warrior, Merlin. Giada at Home. Gordon Ramsay’s F Word. Kitchen Nightmares. Sometimes Hell’s Kitchen, and if I remember, Master Chef. (I don’t have Bravo, otherwise I’d watch Top Chef. No Cooking Channel either, sadly.) And more. The United States of Tara. The Tudors.
Movies? I’ve been on a Takeshi Kaneshiro kick. Or as much as I could. Watched Red Cliff/ Chi Bi, the international version, and Warlords. Love the former, meh on the second. The Young Victoria. Inglourious Basterds. Sherlock Holmes. Law Abiding Citizen. 9. It’s Complicated. And so on.

And my secret shame? I have even watched the odd episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. >.<

So that’s my meandering rant, as usual. Now my questions for you? Have you been annoyed by something lately? Or have you have stopped doing/participating in something you enjoyed due to being turned off from/by it? Do you have slump buster books to suggest? Or your own secret shame shows? (Or shows in general you enjoy – obviously I’m not picky right now.)

*ETA: My point in this post is… why can’t we be nice or at least civil to everyone? Why only be nice to a person when you think s/he is someone “special?” It’s really not a “ZOMG PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEE” – it’s a “Hey – how about throwing that stranger a smile and a simple hello?” I’m willing to bet the person [especially in the closed setting of a romance conference] doesn’t have leprosy, and it’ll be ok. Promise.

So, the title may be misleading… but this is a contest post. It’s also a rant, because… well what’s an entry from your good friend Limecello without some ranting, right?

Anyway. I basically stopped visiting blogs. I used to visit nearly 200 daily. And I don’t mean with google reader or something (also, did I totally make that up?) I bookmarked them, and I visited each and every one. I tried to comment on them all as well, but sometimes I just had no idea what to say. That happens. I’m not sure what the proper comment is without seeming inane or something.

My point being – recently I’ve seen more and more complaints that blogs have no content these days. They’re just… contests. I, for one, love contests. They’re how (as I’ve said) I “discovered” a number of authors and series. Yay for contests! (Contest whores less so, but that’s another post for another time.)

Authors often post links to contests on twitter – blogs they’re visiting, etc, where there is also a giveaway. Oh boy, oh joy, right?

Wrong. Maybe I just don’t care anymore. Or I’ve been suffering from book and general ennui… but oftentimes I can’t even be bothered to read through the rules. E.g. Comment here, blog about it, put it on facebook, and cross reference with twitter, follow all of us who blog here, and my great aunt Jane, and stand on your head. While reciting the preamble to the United States Constitution.

In many instances, I’ve heard people say they’d rather just buy the book. And upon further reflection, dear bloggers and authors, is that your intent? If so… sneaky. And well played, my friend. Well played.

But cynical me thinks it has to do with promo. In order to enter the contest, you must follow me! And my blog! And lurve me! And pet me! And link to me! And make me POPULAR. *shrug* So I think we all know I’m not the blog owner here… I wouldn’t even know if you were following this blog. (And isn’t it google reader makes it something different weird? I dunno.)

Long story short, the only requirement to be eligible for this contest is that you comment. As yourself, and don’t cheat by creating socks. I check to the best of my ability, and it really pisses me off to have to double check, etc.

What am I giving away, my dear Boo Boo’s and not Boo Boo’s? A copy of Coming Undone by Lauren Dane. It is unsigned, because I bought it my little own self with my little own money. I also basically jumped through all necessary contest hoops, because it took about 6 phone calls, and 2.5 hours of driving to finally get one copy. This copy, my friends, is precious.

Or… if you want bonus entries to this contest… and here I can’t resist. I need you to pat your head and you rub your belly, while jumping rope. But not just any jump – double dutch. Then I want you to do a hand stand outside in the snow, while reciting the Emancipation Proclamation, immediately followed by the choreography of Thriller. [All must be recorded and sent to me.] And I promise… if someone does do that… I’ll send you [well, the first full entry, but I don't think more than one person would even contemplate doing this...] a copy of Coming Undone as well.

So ready? Set? … GO!

Dear Authors,

This is a friendly letter in regards to your websites. Have excerpts for your books. ALL of them, dammit. Yes – enough readers may want that super old one republished, and it might happen. If they know about it. If you revamp your site, please DO NOT remove the book blurbs and excerpts. You might have that 10-15 year old book still for sale on amazon, through the publisher, and I’m not buying it unless I’ve read an excerpt. I also might want it enough to create a big stink on say, Harlequin, and convince them to republish. (Hey, it’s been known to happen. Every so often I’ll go in there and stomp around and issue my demands. Sometimes, they’re even met. I so heart Harlequin.) 

Also, about the excerpts… If the link is to a pdf, please warn us. Some computers don’t like that sort of thing, so we need to prepare our machines.

Please have book blurbs. Sometimes, I want to know what the book is about, and cannot find it anywhere. You, kind author, should have easy access to it. Please post it. Right by the book page. We put them by our reviews too, and sometimes (while not necessarily accurate), blubs are that final step that convince a reader to buy.

Speaking of – have a book page! A one that is easy to navigate. I know you, or your web developer want to show off your mad interwebbing skillz. But make it user friendly. If you didn’t know the site – could you find it all? Too often I go to a site and become frustrated. I want to hit someone, or break something, because I should be able to easily find your book page and information. That is not always the case. Please fix that. Make sure there are clear links to your books. SEPARATE links. Make sure the links WORK and go to the CORRECT book. Thanks. Also, make sure the links are PROPERLY LABELED. Help our blind friends out. And you know, the ones who aren’t blind because that’s just not useful for anyone if you have a mislabeled link.

Make sure your webpage is legible. Accordingly, watch for typos. I know we all make them. I for sure do. But I’m not a professional reviewer (would that I were!) – and still – I do try and edit everything. Also, no glitter graphics, please. Not on your website. No dancing, moving, shifting, pixelated anything. Not unless you’re in middle school.

Make sure the font is readable, the colors compatible. Do people need to highlight text for it to be visible? That is BAD. Is it something that appeals to a four year old girl and only said four year old? Also bad.

Check your webpage in different browsers. I hesitate to say the “old guard” loves IE and nobody else does… but a number of people use Mozilla Firefox (because its better). Do see if your webpage works in FF and other browsers.

Don’t have misinformation on your site. Yes, it may seem all sophisticated and erudite, and that you’re so culturally aware… but if it’s wrong, you are fail. Please make sure what legend/myth/”fact” you have posted are in fact, correct.

Don’t sign up for chats/visits etc, then do a no show. If you had an emergency, that’s understandable – but do try to give notice. (Other professionals do the same.) Accordingly, don’t renege on contests. If you promise one, follow through. As a side, update your contests page. If you don’t want to do one anymore, take it down.

Naked man pictures – why. On a blog, fun posts, a fun page- fine. All over your main page? Look. We get you write romance. Or erotica. Or erotic romance. No need to throw it in the viewer’s face. Or perpetuate all the derision for the genre of some non-reader who stumbles upon your page. Honestly. For fun, all well and good- bring on the naked men. But on a home page? … ehh. Unless you’re a p0rn star, that’s not really how you want yourself represented professionally… is it?

I heard a new, and horrifying one today, about an author photograph. Just… be aware of how you present yourself. Would you be embarrassed if say, the clerk of courts recognized you from your web page? Your mayor? Your first grade teacher? A senator? If yes… reconsider posting whatever it may be.

NO MUSIC, or forcing someone to watch your book trailer as soon as they access your site. Please – just have a welcome/home page. If you write adult materials and don’t want someone underage accessing your site, I understand the “go away if you’re under 18.” Otherwise, please let the viewer choose what fancy doodads they want to see.

Thus – that floating toolbar? Anchor it. Instead of it being useful, it covers up text and images I want to see elsewhere in the page. The toolbar lurching around trying to follow me as I scroll around doesn’t make me think “oh how nice and helpful!” It makes me wonder if the toolbar is having a seizure, and I have the urge to break my cute little laptop screen. This is not good.

Make sure your home page is user friendly. Don’t hide links in images or place links in counter-intuitive places. There is one website I get linked to once every few months, (yes an author page), and I’ve never once found anything. I’m stuck on the main page and I don’t know where anything is or anything about that author. And after the initial go, I’ve never tried again. I’ve also never read anything by that author, and you know, don’t really care to. If s/he wanted me to read his/her books, a readily accessible book page would be there. I’m reasonably intelligent – rather confident in my smarts. I’m also competent with computers and the internet. Your webpage shouldn’t stump or frustrate me.

A suggestion – have “upcoming news” – important professional things you’re doing. A blog tour? Book tour? Speaking engagement? New book coming out? Do let readers know.

Possibly have a newsletter or email list. Have a contact page. And/or a blog. Group blogs. However, if you can’t keep up with the blog you have now, don’t go joining more. Don’t create a second one. Don’t pretend to have a blog that you don’t even update. Consensus from the duckies is also that if you have a personal blog and can’t handle it – stop. Don’t let your assistant/mom/random person update for you. Not. Good.

Lastly, don’t say you’re happy to hear from readers if you’re not. What do I mean? Well, I personally, have bad luck “cold calling” authors. I’ve done it a few times now, and was always ignored. (And yes, I gave the author sufficient time to respond – anywhere from one, to twelve months.) Really. I’d be ok with you shooting back an email six months after my “sent” date. I’m sure you’re busy, and believe it or not, I’m hella busy too. Don’t encourage readers to contact you, and say you love chatting/interacting with readers, if you’re not going to. However, I have corresponded with some fabulous authors, and I know there are a number of authors out there who love getting emails from readers and respond. Joy!

That’s just my little rant/hope for all author pages.

Have I offended anyone? Dug out any culprits? Is there anything you would have added to this list?

Signed,
Limecello, et al