So… you might remember my part 2 of 3 post awhile back, titled Speak, Boo Boo, Speak. I wanted you to know that winners have been chosen and notified, and prizes have gone out.
First up, there’s the grand prize winner who got a copy of Leave Me Breathless by the fabulous HelenKay Dimon. Names of winners haven’t been added to protect the guilty. (Of course if they want to step up and say in the comments, that’s great. It’s just I was threatened with dire consequences by some of the entrants if I revealed their identities.)

Dear Helen Kay,

Notice that I’m spelling your name the proper way. Why do you smash the Helen and Kay together? That’s really weird. Do you do it on purpose, or did your parents do that to you? Can they speak English?

Anyway, I wanted to write to you for advice. I keep trying to write a book but can never get past the first page. Can you help me? Maybe if you read my page you could give me advice. And don’t give me some bullshit legaleze about being unable to read unpublished work. No one has to know except you and me, and I’m totally trustworthy. I would never sue you, even if your next book was a complete ripoff of my ideas.

Thank you for your time, and I’m enclosing the page. Please read it. If you don’t, I’m going to make sure everyone knows how selfish you are, and no one will ever read your books again. (That’s not a threat, just a fact, because if you’re a selfish person, I just think people should know.)

Your fan,

Wanna Be

And we have a second winner, who got a book by Larissa Ione (Pleasure Unbound). I’d like to note at this point, that there was a panel of 3+ impartial judges who picked winners. Because I totally wouldn’t have picked this one. (Kidding!)

Dear HelenKay Dimon, Larissa Ione, Jaci Burton, and Lauren Dane.

I know you receive a lot of fan mail. Some of it questionable. However, I am not a nutjob. I read your books, I put them up and other than sacrificing a newborn kitten every year on the release date, they stay on the keeper shelf waiting to be re-read.

I’m writing today about Limecello

For years now I’ve read her blog. Her reviews make my change purse jingle. Sometimes she’s made my Amazon account sob. And ooo the times I’ve giggled!! Even when she gets snippy and tart she’s still a wonderful blogger gal.

So in her honor I’m sending you this list of things to make out of limecello…

With Limecello juice you can make:
Margarita
Lime Pie
Lime Marinade to soak meat in

With any jiggly bits:
Lime Jello Mold

Crunchy bits:
Crispy Lime Cookies
Lucious Lime Crusty Chicken

So for the sweet, savory, jiggly and the crusty end this letter with a heartfelt appeal to you. Please Authors, send me Limecello’s address so I can GPS her and squeeze the juice outta her. Feel free to roll her around on the countertop to soften her up before I get there.

Signed,

Freaky Fruit Freak.

So there you have it. And stay tuned to part 3/3 of my “Boo Boo series” (Hah!) That will go live… you know. Some time. Up for grabs there will be a copy of Jill Shalvis’s baseball book Double Play. (And possibly others. Or not. We’ll see how the wind blows. ‘Cuz that’s how we roll.)

As we all know, there are some crazies on teh interwebs. We’ve all heard about them, read them, or even experienced them. If you’re an author, you might also get the bonus of getting some crazy emails. Fan letters, hate letters, the works.

Every so often, an author will mention a “speshul” email on twitter. Recently, some authors talking about such a happenstance were HelenKay Dimon, Larissa Ione, Jaci Burton, and Lauren Dane.

Here’s an example.

Dear Larissa,

Thank you so much for writing your Demon books. I’ve been following the Demonica series since the first one, PLEASURE UNBOUND was released, and I can’t tell you how glad I am that I found them.

Finally!

An author is writing books that are specifically relevant to me! I, too, have my own special Demon who rocks my world. It’s so nice that you do too, and that you can understand where I’m coming from.

One of my problems with the series is when Wraith gave the Heofon to Kyran. Wraith would never have done such a thing because it would have been all about him and no one else. Why did you do that? You were wrong. Why would he do that?

And you’re wrong about Hell. I’ve been there. Satan is super cool. I’m going to tell him about your sucky books.

If I had more time, I’d tell you more about my Demon, but you don’t deserve to hear about him. I’m going to tell my demon to kick your demon’s ass the next time he sees him in hell.

I hope you learned your lesson. I’ll be looking for your next Demonica book, just to see if you did. Do not disappoint me in this. I do not like being disappointed.

Your #1 Fan

P.S. I’ve got my eyes on you.

So there you go. Why does this involve all of you? Well. Here’s where the fun begins! I teased the aforementioned authors that I was tempted to write them a very special fan letter. They said they’d post any bat shit crazy email I sent them.

This is where you come in. You have your choice of any of those four authors. Write the craziest, most freaky, creepy, incendiary email you can, and send it to crazyfanletter@gmail.com. (I know, I know I said I’m for contests where you just have to post to be entered, but don’t you think this is a fun and worthy cause?!) **NB** Because I’m having you email that specially created address, please include your info (name + address) in your email to expedite the shipping process for winners. Believe me – I won’t be sharing your information. And, you don’t need to sign your fan letter with your own name – sign it however you want, and add the info somewhere else in the email.

I’ve found an impartial panel, and the winner will get a copy of one of HelenKay Dimon’s books. (I’m hoping to find Holding Out for a Hero at Borders.) There might also be additional winners who get one of Larissa Ione’s Demonica books.

Incidentally, if you have any questions, please post them here, at the blog, rather than emailing that address. Also, if you’d like – and to keep conversation going, which author you’re writing your fan letter to. It’d be great if we could get a nice mix.

And don’t worry – I’ll be posting the best letters we get, and possible snippets of others as well. Ready, set, go!

*P.S. That’s not a real reader letter. I wrote that with my good friend Mad. At one point I had to tell her she was being too nice. And we kept trying to up the crazy, but we’re just not that good. I’m pretty sure you can do much better.

So… I posted it in the comments – but since I wasn’t clear… the winner of a brand new, shiny copy of Coming Undone is

KARA

Please send me your info – theduckeez@goodbadandunread.com
I’ll draw another winner if you don’t contact me in 48 hours. And for future reference – my contests, winners will be announced in the comments.

Have a great weekend, all!

So, the title may be misleading… but this is a contest post. It’s also a rant, because… well what’s an entry from your good friend Limecello without some ranting, right?

Anyway. I basically stopped visiting blogs. I used to visit nearly 200 daily. And I don’t mean with google reader or something (also, did I totally make that up?) I bookmarked them, and I visited each and every one. I tried to comment on them all as well, but sometimes I just had no idea what to say. That happens. I’m not sure what the proper comment is without seeming inane or something.

My point being – recently I’ve seen more and more complaints that blogs have no content these days. They’re just… contests. I, for one, love contests. They’re how (as I’ve said) I “discovered” a number of authors and series. Yay for contests! (Contest whores less so, but that’s another post for another time.)

Authors often post links to contests on twitter – blogs they’re visiting, etc, where there is also a giveaway. Oh boy, oh joy, right?

Wrong. Maybe I just don’t care anymore. Or I’ve been suffering from book and general ennui… but oftentimes I can’t even be bothered to read through the rules. E.g. Comment here, blog about it, put it on facebook, and cross reference with twitter, follow all of us who blog here, and my great aunt Jane, and stand on your head. While reciting the preamble to the United States Constitution.

In many instances, I’ve heard people say they’d rather just buy the book. And upon further reflection, dear bloggers and authors, is that your intent? If so… sneaky. And well played, my friend. Well played.

But cynical me thinks it has to do with promo. In order to enter the contest, you must follow me! And my blog! And lurve me! And pet me! And link to me! And make me POPULAR. *shrug* So I think we all know I’m not the blog owner here… I wouldn’t even know if you were following this blog. (And isn’t it google reader makes it something different weird? I dunno.)

Long story short, the only requirement to be eligible for this contest is that you comment. As yourself, and don’t cheat by creating socks. I check to the best of my ability, and it really pisses me off to have to double check, etc.

What am I giving away, my dear Boo Boo’s and not Boo Boo’s? A copy of Coming Undone by Lauren Dane. It is unsigned, because I bought it my little own self with my little own money. I also basically jumped through all necessary contest hoops, because it took about 6 phone calls, and 2.5 hours of driving to finally get one copy. This copy, my friends, is precious.

Or… if you want bonus entries to this contest… and here I can’t resist. I need you to pat your head and you rub your belly, while jumping rope. But not just any jump – double dutch. Then I want you to do a hand stand outside in the snow, while reciting the Emancipation Proclamation, immediately followed by the choreography of Thriller. [All must be recorded and sent to me.] And I promise… if someone does do that… I’ll send you [well, the first full entry, but I don't think more than one person would even contemplate doing this...] a copy of Coming Undone as well.

So ready? Set? … GO!