On a writer’s list recently, the discussion came up again – do we care if our heroes don condoms, or are we going to buy into the fantasy and not bother with them?
Contemporary romances, obviously.
Well, for me as a reader, if a man doesn’t use a condom that indicates that he sees the woman (or man) he’s having sex with as a disposable commodity, or he is so stupid he doesn’t realize that once is all it takes, whether we’re talking about pregnancy or STD’s. Once, it wasn’t quite so important, but that was a long time ago, before you could catch a disease through sex that could kill you.
If a heroine doesn’t mention protection, then she is terminally stupid or she just doesn’t care. There are some issues here – why doesn’t she care? Maybe she wants it, maybe she’s lost the will to leave, maybe her self-esteem is so low she doesn’t care. So that could be interesting, but there had better be some resolution before the end of the story.
My feelings as a reader lead directly into my feelings as a writer, and the way I use condoms in my writing. My contemporaries are all paranormals, and my paranormal beings aren’t bothered by STD’s – they’re either immune, or instantly cured. Similarly, my beings have difficulties with pregnancies – the shape-shifters only have three fertile days a month, and the vampires have a low fertility rate, so that’s not an issue with them, either. Actually, my vampires dislike using them, because they want their race to continue, but there are other things at stake.
At the beginning of “Sunfire,” Aidan, a shape-shifting firebird, is about to have sex with Corinne, a mortal/human. Now Aidan knows he can’t get her pregnant, and he can’t give or catch a disease, but this happens:
For a second time he pulled away, leaving her gasping her need. His sudden departure pulled her out of the hot mood his seduction had drawn her into.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
For answer, he reached for his discarded jeans, delving into a pocket and bringing out a foil packet held between two fingers, one of which had just a few seconds ago been touching her. It still glistened with her juices. He waved the packet at her. “We can’t forget this.”
“I’m on the Pill,” she said.
He paused, staring. “Baby, you have to take care.” His voice softened to a low, intimate tone, caressing in its intensity.
She felt a thrill, hearing him use a word of endearment and smiled up at him. “I trust you.” She knew she shouldn’t, but when she looked into his eyes she saw honesty and concern, and she knew he wouldn’t hurt her.
He caught his breath in a sharp gasp. “You know what I am, what I’ve done? Do you trust all your lovers like this?”
“I know some of it. But no, I don’t trust ‘all my lovers’ like this.” All six of them as opposed to what-hundreds? He’d probably had a lot of women. The rock star lifestyle would see to that. She couldn’t explain why she felt this way about him, that she could trust him. It had nothing to do with her lurid fantasies about the guitarist Splinter and everything to do with a man called Aidan Hawthorne. “I’ve never trusted anyone like this before.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” Tenderness replaced the faint anxiety in his amber eyes. That was the last thing she’d expected when she’d decided to let this encounter take its course. She’d expected a fierce fucking to help chase her blues away, but it seemed to be mutating into something else. Something deeper and far more unsettling.
Aidan does this because he cares about Corinne. He’s only just met her, but he wants her to know that she means something. In the story he finds her at a time of self-doubt and depression, also vulnerable, so if he’d screwed her and walked out, that would only have compounded her feelings. Instead, the condom that he doesn’t need to use makes her feel cherished and cared-for.
Now, in the interests of balance, is the other side. Some writers claim that the romance is just a fantasy, that they want to be carried away by the fantasy and the condom just takes them out of it and stops it for them. One writer I respect very much has expressed that opinion more than once. While I can understand that, I think the differences are that I want to believe in these characters and their motivations. I want to root for them, and my beliefs about responsibility in sex extend to that, too. If the story is set in a world where everybody knows STD’s are non existent or curable, or that pregnancy risks are coped with, then fair enough, but in our world, it really does trouble me to read about a hero who doesn’t use a condom.
Carried away by the moment? Maybe, in certain circumstances I can understand that, but I’d far rather the hero or heroine or both took some responsibility. Or if they don’t, that’s because of their characters or some aspect of the story.
Historicals are different, but I know a few readers who are troubled by the “rake” manslut story, where the hero has slept with oodles of women, and comes out unscathed. Jane at Dear Author brings this up in her reviews, and I know other readers who have this problem. Of course, some people love the fantasy, but when you realise that a cure for syphilis is a recent development, then you can see syphilis in historicals as the equivalent of our AIDS. It killed and it wasn’t curable, or rather, cures were very painful and very doubtful. No guarantee. And I was forced to agree that they had a point, although I hadn’t really considered it before. So when I came to rewrite “Yorkshire,” the first Richard and Rose book, I made it clear that Richard had given up his philandering ways about a year before he met and fell for Rose. Partly because of the slut problem, partly because I wanted him to give it up as part of growing up, not because of the heroine’s magic vagina. (hate those things!)
Also, when the hero and heroine progress to not using condoms, that can signal a new level in the relationship. Trust is established, they’ve discussed birth control, diseases etc, or they’ve been together long enough to know and trust each other.
Anyway, I blogged about it here because it’s a perennial discussion in author groups and I wondered – does it actually make a difference to the average reader?
To condom or not to condom?
I appreciate a brief mention of condoms. I don’t like drawn-out preachy birth control scenes, but it’s nice to see it acknowledged.
I do NOT like the recent trend of making condom-free sex into a magical symbol of forever.
In non-paranormal contemporaries, I think condoms should be mentioned. It just doesn’t ring true otherwise (unless there are lots of drugs/alcohol involved…really, really lots…and that doesn’t really scream romance, now does it?). But once such good, healthy practices are established, I don’t think the point needs belaboring. Like Jen said, birth control education probably isn’t needed. And, yeah, lack of protection shouldn’t equal forever luuuuuv.
I have noticed a lot of “I trust you”s from the heroines lately. WTF is up with that? It’s usually said to a guy she’s known maybe for a minute. I agree that condoms should be mentioned, and when they aren’t used, I appreciate the mention afterward of “Holy shit – we forgot the condom! What now?” I think this is a sensitive topic for me right now with a son in high school – it’s all my husband and I think about, LOL. Yes. Use the condom!
But I agree with Jen and c2 – don’t lecture me on it in my novels. Just let me know my H/H are using them. That’s good enough.
I suspect I’m in the minority here – but with contemporaries I always “assume” there’s a condom involved unless the author turns around and tells me there wasn’t one.
For example, hero and heroine do the nasty. Afterglow ensues. No mention of condom but I “assume” one was used. Then a couple of chapters later the heroine muses, “Oh fiddly dee, we didn’t use protection. But that’s OK. If I’m pregnant that means I’ll always have a little piece of the hero with me while he’s busy denying his feelings for me because he’s a commitment-phobic A-hole and he’s off in some South American jungle chasing after drug smugglers…..”
Then the book hits the wall because, like you, I question the characters’ intelligence and find them utterly TSTL. And notice how these heroines never consider that the hero could also have given them an STD to “remember him by.” Just sayin’.
I’m more forgiving in historicals, but there have been authors who have mentioned birth control in historical books and made it work. Two that come to mind are Emma Holly (who had a heroine douche in one of her Beyond books) and Maggie Osborne (whose heroines used something like a cervical cap in I Do, I Do, I Do).
If I weren’t an automatic “assummer that condoms were used,” I’d like an author to at least mention them. I don’t need 6 paragraphs detailing The Condom Moment. A quick sentence works just as well. And if the author mentions it in Love Scene #1, I’m going to “assume” that condoms were used in Love Scenes #2, #3 and #4…..again, unless the author tells me otherwise.
I do not think offering to use a condom is a gesture of caring or consideration for a hero. It is my baseline expectation, and I am highly disappointed when heroines pat heroes on the head for this as if they’ve done something wonderful.
Seriously, I would not congratulate a man for that. If he bought the condoms, used them, then did the dishes and took out the trash, and did it all without whining, then we could talk about being impressed. LOL
Of course, I think condom use in stories should follow what makes sense. Two shapeshifters in the grip of mating heat? Maybe not going to think about it. A nurse or doctor with a healthy understanding of STDs? Hopefully never going to forget it.
OMG the whole “I’ll at least have a piece of the hero to remember me by” thing bugs the crap out of me as well. What? Really? I read somewhere (a college textbook, most likely) that in the old days children were considered a financial asset, whereas now they’re a financial liability. Do these heroines have any idea how much having a baby will *cost*, especially if their hero is over somewhere else in the world not paying attention? And I agree with Bree, the offering on behalf of the male isn’t a tender gesture. It should be a practical one. That being said, I tend to also assume they’re being used unless someone mentions otherwise if I think about the condom issue at all.
And now I want to read a contemporary paranormal where the guy’s like, “I’m a shapeshifter. We don’t get humans pregnant.” Then there is sex without a condom and it turns out the shapeshifter lied. It would be a secret baby type story I would actually read.
Then again, I overthink things and I have a headache, so excuse the rambling.
Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving.
And I do NOT get the warm fuzzies when I read about unplanned pregnancy and single motherhood being a completely positive consequence of a one-night stand. Irresponsible much? I understand the desire for escapism and fantasy, but I can’t say that I’ve ever met a single mother who could say her life was all sunshine and pink ponies. It’s insulting.
And now I want to read a contemporary paranormal where the guy’s like, “I’m a shapeshifter. We don’t get humans pregnant.” Then there is sex without a condom and it turns out the shapeshifter lied. It would be a secret baby type story I would actually read.
I wanna see the same type of story, but I think it would be even cooler if the ultrasound showed puppies instead of human babies. Heh…that’ll teach ya to play without a helmet!
Hey Shannon, wanna co-author that one with me? 😀
In standard contemporaries, there has to be some mention of condoms, even if it’s just minimal. I’m not so much concerned if it’s a paranormal b/c as you said most of the time they can’t get STDs or give them either.
That being said, it’s very rare to find a good condom scene (if any). I did read one where it actually played a big part in the scene and ended up being very sexy. Who knew condoms could be sexy? Other than for protection anyway. 🙂
omg I just saw that lol cat… and yes I set the post
I think that is jenb’s nightmare cat
::giggle::
ok I go bed now nite
LOL Shannon and JenB – if you write it, I’ll read it. Promise.
I agree with the condom mention. I think it’s important in contemporary novels. (And even nice in historicals.) It doesn’t need to be drawn out or described, just a sentence fragment is enough for me. The whole “I trust you” or “I love you more because for you I’m not going to use a condom” makes me want to gag. Well, no. It makes me want to drop kick both the hero and heroine. (I won’t even get into STDs. Or the trying to get preggo to keep the hero crazies…)
“And now I want to read a contemporary paranormal where the guy’s like, “I’m a shapeshifter. We don’t get humans pregnant.” Then there is sex without a condom and it turns out the shapeshifter lied. It would be a secret baby type story I would actually read.”
OMG I want that! Can I use it, please, pretty please?
Yes, I agree. A brief mention, and definitely, absolutely no preaching. I don’t want a lesson on safe sex, but if they don’t use one, there needs to be a good reason, and I don’t mean the old “getting carried away” crap. But it does show that the participants care about each other and about their own safety. It’s a great device to reveal character, too.
If it’s a contemporary, I like to have at least mention of condoms. I don’t mind the whole “I trust you” if both of the characters haven’t been with someone for a long time, like years. But some kind of discussion or condom use has to come up for me or it pisses me off.
I don’t mind the whole oops we forgot one and now she’s preggers as well as long as it’s very clear that the couple are really a couple and that they don’t get with the program because of the pregnancy.
But again, it all depends on how the author approaches it whether or not I get pissed off about it.
To Bridget- one book that I’m reading, The Mane Attraction by Shelly Laurenston has condom mention every time the couple has sex and they are both shifters. In this case, it’s just hysterical how it’s incorporated because the sex scenes are over the top kind of funny. They are having sex all over the house and he keeps finding condoms that her parents have stashed in all these weird places around, so the condom thing is done in a very humorous way and actually adds a lot to the scenes.
I like a hearty “fantasy” element in a romance, but in a contemporary condom use is part of characterization. If we demand characters to have sympathetic, appealing, believable personalities in other ways, why stop at the bedroom door? It’s all part and parcel.
I like a condom mention in at least the first scene – it can just be an offhand mention – after which I’ll assume they use one every time.
Also, I am reading that shapeshifter book when it comes out.
ShannonC – it’s mentioned by other people, but the producer/consumer kids theory is by Gary Becker. (May be misspelled.) Pretty much, in a mostly agricultural society or in an industrial w/o child labor laws kids are producers. They work alongside the adults and pay their way. In an urbanized society, kids consume goods. It’s viewed as part of the reason the birthrate normalizes at 2 kids/household when societies industrialize.
It’s somewhat contended, but the basic gist of it is sound. And I so studied it in class today.
There has to be a condom, they did have them before latex – sheep gut (I think) tied on with a ribbon! But for a present day story there HAS to be a condom.
I loathe secret baby stories but a secret kitten/puppy story that I would read, would the woman aquire extra nipples?
As an aside when I packed my son off to university I also packed condoms – I don’t know if he has used them and I am not going to ask directly but I have made my feeling very clear on the safe sex issue.
Now that is what I want to read about. Woman gets pregnant with puppies and acquires 5 nipples. Dude, that’s hawt.
I think the mention of condoms is important in contemps. I don’t care if they’re mentioned in historicals, b/c I don’t think they were widely used back then. Some? Yes. Al the time? No. Plus, 90% of the time in historicals the women aren’t very well versed in pleasure, so it just kind of doesn’t make sense. Call me old-fashioned.
I am 100% in agreement about the “I trust you, I love you, I want your baby to remember you by when you leave me for the hooker down the street who swears she doesn’t want commitment but is really secretly trying to have your babies herself” storyline being totally bogus. Sorry, but I’m not buying it.
I’m one who does not like the introduction of condoms into every single sex scene. If it fits the storyline and how the sex progresses, fine, but don’t hit me over the head with the idea that every time someone has sex in a fantasy (it’s fiction, remember?) that these people use a condom.
I think my favorite analogy that I read lately is this: do they describe a character putting on a seatbelt every time he gets in a car? No. Then why the need for condoms, condoms, condoms?
If you are ‘offended’ by the lack of condom, just imagine it’s there. Just like I do when I read the ‘insert condom here’ line…I try to pretend it’s not there. Because it really takes me out of the fantasy.
I don’t think there should be ‘rules’ that writers have to live by when writing sex…they should be able to write it how they want without judgment about lack of condoms. But it seems that people actually do ding a book if it doesn’t contain a condom donning. I don’t quite get that.
I’ve written some stories with, some without. Sometimes I inject a small conversation about why it’s not being used. Sometimes I don’t.
If I know the characters aren’t using a condom (in a contemporary romance) that’s when I’m thrown out of the story, and stop caring. There’s absolutely no need to go on and on about it, I agree. In fact, constant repetition of anything in a book is bad writing. Just an acknowledgement that they know what they’re doing and they’ve taken appropriate precautions. These days, not to do so is stupid.
In the book I quoted in the article, “Sunfire,” the hero doesn’t need to use the condom because he’s a paranormal being, but he knows the heroine needs to build up her self respect, so he insists on using one. So I used it for a bit of character development.
And fiction doesn’t mean you can make everything up, IMO, but it’s unfair of me to say that here, because it’s when that is used as an excuse for inaccurate historical detail that it annoys me, and I know what you mean Kris, and it wasn’t that.
Thanks for recognizing what I mean, Lynne.
This topic seems to come up a lot. I guess I just don’t like the idea of being ‘forced’ or ‘required’ to do something that I see (my opinion totally) as something very minor and kind of silly. But, obviously, many readers feel differently and think something I do not when reading condom scene. I read: politically correct and sort of squick inducing b/c then I start wondering what sorts of disease the hero or heroine might be carrying around…and I just don’t want to go there. Others read: aw, how romantic, he respects her enough to use one, etc. etc.
I just think there will never be a ‘right’ answer to this debate. I will add a condom mention if the publisher requires it, or if it fits my story…but other than that, it just is not something I agonize over.
Jumping in on this bandwagon because although I write M/M erotic romance set far in the future, in most societies STDs and unwanted pregnancies will still be a problem and people who care about their partners will take precautions. I made it a part of character development in my futuristic society in Surrender Love.
Luc is immortal and disease is alien to him, his lover is twenty-one year-old virgin who’s been a slave to his music and doesn’t want his band mates to know he’s gay. Izzorah is a Kin, a feline humanoid, and on his homeworld, he’d be killed if such news got out. Now that he’s escaped and surviving on his own in a “so-you’re-gay, so-what society” he’s still hiding the fact, because it’s the only way he knows.
It takes a cousin to explain medicards to him. They’re issued at every corner store, at work, at an ATM-like facility, and they’re cheap. A 60 second scan and out pops a medicard. White shows you’re disease free, and it stays that way for a week and then turns black, showing the owner is past the safe zone and should be rescanned.
Rather than go through all this explanation, I used a short, comedic interchange with the cousin to show it’s use. Later, when Izzorah is about to become intimate with Luc, and he finds out that Luc had been with other partners recently, he becomes quiet. When Luc asks if that bothers him, he explains that he hadn’t expected to have sex so soon, and that he thought Luc had only been with one partner prior (with whom he’d broken up recently). Luc’s response:
“Ah. I see.” Luc reached into a pocket, pulled out a white card, and held it up for him. “Expiration date Sofftem thirty-one, covers every communicable disease and a host of ailments.” He put it back in his pocket. “I scan myself before the start of every weekend.”
“Are you that much at risk?”
“It’s a health benefit at Lucsondis. I do it to encourage workers to take advantage of the service. It could save one of their lives.”
Embarrassed, Izzorah bumbles around words, so Luc reassures him that he knows it’s Izzorah’s first time, and leads him into a highly sensual, touch by touch explanation of what he’s doing as he continues to tenderly seduce the oh-so-appealing-virgin.
—
Bottom line, the medicard is worked into the scene (the equivalent of condoms between males) and is used to reassure a shy virgin whom Luc has been yearning to not only seduce but also to possess. It also serves to do away with the STD issue completely in their future couplings. FYI – birth control for both males and females is a simple injection, noted on the card. If only we had such items today!
Definitely to condom.
Judith Ivory mentioned condoms explicitly in some of her books. The hero of BEAST uses “chapeau anglais” when he sleeps with his mistress, whose husband is a manwhore and he’s afraid of catching something that might have passed from the husband to the mistress.
In BLACK SILK the heroine finds condoms in the hero’s drawers. The hero is named in a paternity suit in the beginning of the story and emphatically denies it. When the heroine sees the condoms, she realizes why he is so certain he is not the father of those children.
Put me on the list of folks that wanna read that shapeshifting book!
As for condoms in the story – yup, like most everyone it doesn’t have to be preachy but it shoudl be mentioned at least.
LOL, my SO and I discussed it actually and he agrees it should at least be mentioned.
I think the funniest such scene I’ve read so far would have to go the the author/book where they’re about to have sex, and he can’t find a condom. He looks all over the bedroom, all over the house and he can’t find one. By this point of course it’s a moot point, and the lady is helping look too. They finally find one in the truck/car something like that, and he looks at her and says “Shall we?” Both start laughing, and decide to just go back to bed and sleep, but they do take the condom with them.