“leader strong enough to cut the cheese” LOL

“Tell me, my love,” he asked Aurelia as they stood outside the Office. “After I remove one of the arrows to obtain the cheese with which to purchase the dukedom your father so desires, would you marry me? Would you allow me to lick your feet and suck your toes for as long as we both shall live? Or must my lance linger forever in torment, shriveled down to a purple pea for love of you?”

Aurelia gazed deeply into Fab’s eyes, her heart filling with joy as she realized that he truly LOVED her feet the way they were. That proved that he was seriously flawed, which only made her realize that she loved HIM. The blond Adonis with the purple lance who could have any woman he wanted had been hard to love, but a crazy man with a foot fetish willing to sport her pink underwear in his eagerness to save her from his Unintentional Nakedness might actually have something to offer her.

“I WILL marry you,” she said, as she lifted her arms to encircle his oh-so-manly neck. “But only under one condition.”

He drew her into his arms, taking great care to avoid the arrow still sticking out of his thigh. “And what might that be, my sweet Ree-Ree?”

“That you never call me Ree-Ree again.”

“It is done,” he said solemnly.

As their lips met in a glorious kiss right in front of the Office for Applicants for Cheese Dukedoms, the arrows fell out, enabling them to purchase the cheese with perfect ease.

Then, riding upon the tiger, they went forth to claim the dukedom. And when they came before the Council of Cheese, who demanded that they perform the ritual Ceremony of Slicing in order to stake their claim, they joined hands in grasping the knife and brought it down on the mystical cheshire together.

And there was much rejoicing in the land. At last the people had gained a leader strong enough to cut the cheese.

Though somewhat skeptical, Aurelia took one look at Cupido’s maniacal grin and figured she was better off with Fab’s long hair and even longer “lance” than with Cupido’s wings and predisposition for shooting magic arrows at unsuspecting people. She let Fab pull her over to Raksha and seat her upon the tiger’s back just behind him. She’d had no idea two people could ride a tiger, but apparently Raksha had been trained in the circus, for the tigress broke into a loping run that had them miraculously outpacing Cupido in seconds, especially when Aurelia began using her large feet to push them along faster.

They traveled for two days and three nights, over hill and dale (and dale and hill), until they came to the seat of the dukedom Cupido had promised Aurelia’s father. It had suddenly dawned on Fab why the Cheshire cheese connection sounded so familiar. Clearly, Aurelia had misheard her father’s comment. It wasn’t the cheese and a dukedom that Cupido promised, but the cheese that would BUY a dukedom.

He had heard from Peters of the mystical Cheshire cheese, the key to a dukedom, which could only be purchased by a cupid’s arrow, and he had TWO of them sticking out of him. All he had to do was present one of the arrows at the Office of Applicants for Cheese Dukedoms, and he would have the cheese and thus the key to the dukedom.

*gasping for air*

I’m just an spectator… carry on, people

*laughing some more*

[/threadjack]

“Well dem me, you shot me again! What is the meaning of this?” Fab exclaimed angrily, yanking the arrow out of his thigh. He glanced at his wonderful large footed Ree Ree and was struck by a wave of emotion so strong, he almost felt ill. “Quickly, my darlingest Ree Ree – I have a plan! We will elope – and buy a cheese!”

“Elope? A cheese?” Aurelia tried to step back, but tripped over her own feet.

All at once…

Oh, Lord, surely it wasn’t Prinny with wings. Could it be the prince, naked, headed home from some costume party? But then how in the devil was that branch holding him up?

Crash!

It wasn’t. Not anymore.

Aurelia screamed as the winged fellow headed toward her. “Fab, quick, you have to save me!” she cried. “Papa has made a bargain with Cupido that I am to share his bed for one night in exchange for a dukedom and a large Cheshire cheese.”

“He will not have you,” Fab pronounced as he pulled the arrow free. It was a magical arrow, and he’d begun to feel rather woozy. Cupido must have tipped it with…

La Prude cried out, “My Lord, you’ve been hit . . . with I know not what. Turn about, I beg you. Let me see to it.” Aurelia shifted her feet to allow him to turn-and turn he did. “Oh, dear,” Aurelia said. “It is an arrow, with golden feathers at its end. Whatever can it be?”

Just then there was a rustling in the trees overhead, the sound of a giggle, gay and childish.

Lord Fab, still basking in the heat of his new wound, glanced up, and there, perched on a limb, and wearing a very pleased expression was . . .

Aurelia shrieked with delight at the sight of Lord Fab. “Oh my! You are absolutely hilarious in those!” As Lord Fab turned his head to look at himself a jolt to his back suddenly knocked him off balance. The…

Thwat! Splash! Oomph! Aurelia landed with a thud at Fab’s soaking feet. “Oh my, what have we here?” She thought as she looked up slowly between…

She pulled her gaze away from it with difficulty and looked at Fab. She gasped. His lips were but a hairsbreadth away from hers, his eyes sparkled with a look she’d never seen before.

“May I touch it?” she whispered.

“By all means, my lady,” he said.

She reached a hand toward it…well, she had to call “it” something.

“What is its nickname?” she asked.

“I call it — AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!”

Raksha found her midday snack.

Aurelia looked down at the tiger. “Is that what it’s….”

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okay – carry on…

– back to the story –

As she watched, the purple thing moved, and she screamed.

“Do not be frightened of Raksha, my sweet. She likes to watch.”

“But Fab …

Left without recourse, Fab shrugged out of the dripping robe, pulled his hair from behind his shoulder, and used it to conceal what he could of his powerful manly lance–somewhat the worse for wear after his cold swim.

“Raksha, come.” The tiger did as he was bade and sat in front of Fab.

Aurelia’s father wasted no time. Donnng the robe, and seating himself in the small craft he’d used to get to the isle, he quickly rowed off.

Fab, naked but drying quickly under the hot February 14th sun, turned to Aurelia. “You have me at a disadvantage, my lady.” He glanced to the warming sky, then ran his glittering gaze over her sodden clothes.

His voice was low, smokey and scented with seduction, and Aurelia transfixed,could naught but stare, down there, behind his hair.

Oh, what to do, she thought, what to do . . .

Fab was non-plussed. He had no idea what to say. His tiger had been stalking this man. His daughter saved him from drowning with her ginormous feet. The only two clothed people on the island were standing there soaked to the skin, panting. The unclothed one scrambled up and said, “Your wearing my dressing gown! Do you mind?”

Fab glanced down at his body and said…

“Raksha!” Fab reached the edge of the lake on the far side of the gardens and saw a small island several meters from the shore. He heard his pet roar with hunger and spotted the animal just as he began stalking — good God, was that La Prude’s father sunbathing on the island? Rushing headlong into the freezing water, he swam as fast as he could to prevent impending disaster.

His sure strokes pushed him through the placid water, but suddenly waves began to slow him down as Aurelia passed him by, kicking those humongous feet with all her might. She hit the beach before Fab had reached the halfway mark. So much for being physically fit. He’d just been shown up by the footsies he’d rather have playing with his…