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As is evidenced by our politicians, the malapropism and the pun are true art forms, as well as timing gold. You say it and it takes a beat for the listener to do one of three things: (1) chuckle; (2) groan; or (3) give you a dirty look.

A pun almost never gets no reaction at all, unless the punnee just doesn’t ‘get’ the punster. Regardless, I giggle at malapromisms and I love a good pun.  I frequently make friends and family chuckle and groan. I ignore the dirty looks.

What about you? Have a favorite pun? Here are some of mine:

  • I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  • Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
  • Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  • The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
  • The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
  • When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
  • The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  • oh-no.jpgA thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
  • Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
  • A backward poet writes inverse.
  • Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
  • A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, which resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
  • You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
  • A calendar’s days are numbered.
  • Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
  • Acupuncture: a jab well done.